"Little Boy Ben" a poem by Jess Coffman

I was talking with a girlfriend yesterday, and she reminded me of a period in my life that I described myself as being "callous." It was right after I broke up with my long term off-and-on boyfriend for the very last time. I felt the pain of my relationship ending instantaneously as it was happening. That night that we broke up forever, I cried all night long. And though there were nights I smoked cigarettes, drank red wine and wrote unfinished melancholy rhymes, I didn't really cry again over that bygone lover. What I did do was break some hearts. 

This poor "Little Boy Ben" entered my life when I was so vulnerable, yet hard-hearted at the same time. I was so emotionally unavailable, and I was honest about it to every guy that I dated in my "callous" period. But I think I was confusing to these men. They were drawn to my vulnerability as well as my tough exterior. Even though I told "Little Boy Ben" that I just wanted to mess around and not get into a relationship, it seemed to draw him in more. Or he just didn't fucking listen. This happened with a few more men after him too. It actually made me realize that men want to be in love just as much as women. Given the option to just hook up, with "no strings attached," I found that young men wouldn't choose that. 

I wrote this poem on the beach one day while I was dating "Little Boy Ben," in an effort to describe my  feelings to him. 

Little Boy Ben

Boy,

Hear what I say.

I’m not here to love

I’m just here to play.

But Boy,

I’ll tell you one thing,

You touch me like no one has

And you’re making me sing.

I’m writing these words,

That come straight from my gut.

I don’t know plenty, but I’ll tell you what,

You reached deep inside and found

Something I’d lost,

Something I’d treasured, But something I’d

Tossed.

These entombed words

You help me reveal,

Is the blessing that I have been dying to feel,

An invaluable gift,

And one day, I will heal.

So don’t shed a tear

When I tell you I’m numb.

I’m not feeling much,

But I am feeling some.

I just need some time,

To find what I need,

I hope you can live with what we’ve

Agreed.

So put up your guard or throw it to the ground,

Do what you can to stick around.

‘Cause I don’t want to hurt you, or make you regret.

But I’m not ready to see your lovin’ go yet.

I can’t promise much,

But I can promise this…

I’ll sing by your side and wallow in your kiss.

And maybe in time we’ll share life as one,

But let’s not jump the gun,

And today,

Let’s have fun.

P.S. If you Google Image "Callous," you are going to find some pretty disgusting shit. 

Luckily, I quickly found this cartoon and it is just perfect.