"Lechers At Play" a poem by Jess Coffman

Hello loyal friends,

This poem that I am posting today is rather dark, so if you don't want to bring down your sunny TGIF mood, don't read it. I have very few poems like this so tune in soon, for the next silly and bright one :)

I am doing a bit of song research at the moment on a song called "The Dark I Know Well," from Duncan Sheik's incredibly beautiful musical Spring Awakening. I fell in love with this musical last summer when Billy totally kicked ass performing in it. He had to kiss a guy  in it as the sexually explorative/manipulative teenager "Hanschen." It was a whole new strange king of jealousy for me during the process, especially because I was out of town for work. But when I saw his performance, I surprised myself and him with my reaction. He and the other guy created such an honest and sweet scene. Through it, I believed he was providing a really beautiful visual of homosexual love, and was advocating it. My strange jealousy melted away and I was so proud of him. 

This poem really has nothing to do with Spring Awakening, except that while I was researching "The Dark I Know Well," I remembered this poem that I wrote last spring. I had gone to an improv show with some friends, and I had been appalled at one of the scenes that I saw. I am not pretending to be an improv genius but I had just taken an Upright Citizens Brigade class and they stressed not doing anything that would cause your improv partner to be uncomfortable. At this performance, one of the guys in the improv troupe started doing something really sexually inappropriate to his scene partner. I was really uncomfortable as an audience member, and I felt really uncomfortable for the actor being taken advantage of on stage. He was stuck and just had to go with it as part of the "game" of the scene, and as not to ruin the performance. 

I was extremely livid about this, and none of guys that I was with seemed to be affected by what was tearing me up. Maybe as a women we understand it better. The way you ignore cat calls in the street, but how it eats you up a little. Or how an older man can flirt with you and leave you feeling disgusted, though you can't quite put your finger on what it was that bothered you. It's that unquantifiable discomfort, that  caused me to write this poem. 

Lechers at Play

Beware of cowardly cheap cannibals who want to steal strength from you.

Their mission is completely self-interested.

They want all of the power, laughter and glory in the story.

Their tongues, slimy and split, will spit out disguised flattery intended to give you only two choices.

One, is too ignore the disgust in your gut and breathe on.

Two, is to take action routed in self -respect and deliver the consequences to these Lechers at Play.

Unfortunately both choices leave you isolated.

If you choose Two, and speak aloud of the unfairness, often times you sacrifice your personal relationships with many more people that you could have ever imagined. It’s horrifying how people don’t want to get involved.

Others may misunderstand your outspoken declaration of personal injustice, as a problem you have with indiscretion, or an inclination toward over sensitivity.

So you are left alone and whispered about as your back is turned. But Fuck them.

Could it be just as isolating to choose One? To absorb the harassment and keep a buttoned lip?

My instincts and experiences say yes.

You lose fewer acquaintances this way, but that secret rots your heart, and makes it impossible for others to get close to you.

Keep your distance as far as you can from the Lechers who corrupt your inner peace for their entertainment.

The first time the Lecher crosses that physical boundary, and touches you lightly with just the very tip of his finger…break it off immediately.

The world would say this is rash, and would rather you use your intelligence through words and proper channels of hierarchy. But that was choice number Two, which causes others to neglect and ignore you. Fuck that.

Only you can rightfully decipher when you have had enough unquantifiable unfairness, when that delicate line between uncomfortable and repulsion has been crossed.

If it happens once and you are silent, that accomplishment only gives the Lecher the power to try again. And this character will try again, they have probably gotten away with it for years. 

You will be able to handle very little, before it begins to destroy you from the inside out. So use your power and force they have been trying to rob you of, and pinch the Lechers off.

Spit in their face.

Though your frightened voice is quaking, shout out the injustice.

Shame them, as they have shamed you.

Rip their balls off.

Sometimes the only person who is brave enough to protect you is yourself.

"Seafaring Mama" a poem by Jess Coffman

This poem is for everyone, but I am dedicating it especially to those who have spent many months of their life working on a cruise ship. The day that I wrote this poem, I was sitting all the way forward on Deck 13, while we were docked in Nassau, Bahamas. Nassau is known for the lavish resort Atlantis, but pretty much that is it. A friend of mine wittingly coined it "Nasshole." But I had some pretty good times there. Senior Frog's was trashy, but I had a great time eating nachos and shaking my ass there once. I got a little tipsy one day on the beach and surprised myself and my friends by saying that I thought I would marry Billy one day. And I will never forget the long-awaited day that Billy finally came with me to the Pirate Museum. 

Anyway, this particular day I was not dancing, drinking or pirating, I was simply contemplating life and looking to the sky for comfort. I am from Los Angeles, so the sun is an old faithful friend of mine. She gives me Vitamin D, a solid tan and often times illuminates beauty along my path. This day, I was feeling a bit "lost at sea," because my ship contract was about to end and I was looking ahead to the unknown future with fear. 

This is a photo of the beautiful lighthouse that always welcomed us into the port of Nassau. I could see this perfectly from my seat while writing this poem. 

Seafaring Mama

Oh sun and sky make me new

Touch my skin and make me glow.

For I am small and feeling blue,

My path on land I do not know.

But I can trust the sun and sky

Cause everyday you kiss my hair.

And even when the clouds roll by

You greet me with a gentle stare.

So everyday I’ll wake and write

Of  what you reveal to me.

Today may be a lover’s fight,

Tomorrow the peaceful sea.

Each day I’ll make a tiny change

Toward art that fills my being,

And soon I will have rearranged

And sent my false fears fleeing.

Oh sun and sky I cannot wait

To walk with faith toward freedom.

I’ll gather those in a bluesy state,

And with a loving heart I’ll lead ‘em.

"Put A Towel Over It and Move On!" A poem by Jess Coffman

Hello! I just wrote this poem right now! My lovely boyfriend made me a delicious jalapeno-grapefruit-cilantro margarita which has caused me to be a little bit tipsy and pretty happy right now. Somewhere within watching him chop veggies for soup and listening to his Blues Traveler Spotify channel, I got inspired to write. This poem is a bit fictitious, because instead of being in my kitchen, I imagined requesting the listening ear of a stranger at a local bar. The title of this song, is a direct quote from Billy after he saw me come downstairs with a towel to cover the kitchen bar stool-like chair. I feel somewhat neurotic when it comes to ripped upholstery, I don't like to sit on it. I know it is crazy, but it comes from a very uncomfortable story of the first and only time that I went to fully nude strip club in the San Fernando Valley. The place was called Gotham City and so skeezy. That is a long ago story, but an important one only because it explains my bizarre issues with seating sometimes. I had to put the towel down on our ripped chair, before I could start writing this. I tried to do it discretely, but he caught me and totally called me out :)  I hope you like it!

Put a Towel Over It and Move On

I'm feeling a little tipsy-dipsy,

How's about a drink?

My life is a little bit flipsy.

A drink and a listen?

What do you think?

I'm feeling a little unproductive,

I'm in between jobs. 

Relaxing all day was seductive,

A life for the lucky?

A life for slobs?

I'd rather be bossing people around,

I'm mostly Type A.

I don't bring people down.

I like to empower

In a nice way.

It's great that my boyfriend is so Type B,

We balance out well.

He withholds me from insanity,

I keep him on his toes.

He rings my bell.

I've only been out of work two whole nights,

But I feel so glum.

A perfect love is almost enough,

But I have a purpose,

And I must succumb.

I'm sorry that I am such an asshole,

Cause now I must go.

You've helped me to remember my goal

For a well-balanced life.

So here's some dough.

Buy yourself another whisky sour,

You deserve a treat.

I'm off to write the song of this hour,

A song of life balance,

Of struggle so sweet. 

I hope you 'll discover your life's work,

And your life's love too.

I'll write of your eyes and playful smirk.

I won't forget your help.

Goodbye,

Thank-you. 

"Little Boy Ben" a poem by Jess Coffman

I was talking with a girlfriend yesterday, and she reminded me of a period in my life that I described myself as being "callous." It was right after I broke up with my long term off-and-on boyfriend for the very last time. I felt the pain of my relationship ending instantaneously as it was happening. That night that we broke up forever, I cried all night long. And though there were nights I smoked cigarettes, drank red wine and wrote unfinished melancholy rhymes, I didn't really cry again over that bygone lover. What I did do was break some hearts. 

This poor "Little Boy Ben" entered my life when I was so vulnerable, yet hard-hearted at the same time. I was so emotionally unavailable, and I was honest about it to every guy that I dated in my "callous" period. But I think I was confusing to these men. They were drawn to my vulnerability as well as my tough exterior. Even though I told "Little Boy Ben" that I just wanted to mess around and not get into a relationship, it seemed to draw him in more. Or he just didn't fucking listen. This happened with a few more men after him too. It actually made me realize that men want to be in love just as much as women. Given the option to just hook up, with "no strings attached," I found that young men wouldn't choose that. 

I wrote this poem on the beach one day while I was dating "Little Boy Ben," in an effort to describe my  feelings to him. 

Little Boy Ben

Boy,

Hear what I say.

I’m not here to love

I’m just here to play.

But Boy,

I’ll tell you one thing,

You touch me like no one has

And you’re making me sing.

I’m writing these words,

That come straight from my gut.

I don’t know plenty, but I’ll tell you what,

You reached deep inside and found

Something I’d lost,

Something I’d treasured, But something I’d

Tossed.

These entombed words

You help me reveal,

Is the blessing that I have been dying to feel,

An invaluable gift,

And one day, I will heal.

So don’t shed a tear

When I tell you I’m numb.

I’m not feeling much,

But I am feeling some.

I just need some time,

To find what I need,

I hope you can live with what we’ve

Agreed.

So put up your guard or throw it to the ground,

Do what you can to stick around.

‘Cause I don’t want to hurt you, or make you regret.

But I’m not ready to see your lovin’ go yet.

I can’t promise much,

But I can promise this…

I’ll sing by your side and wallow in your kiss.

And maybe in time we’ll share life as one,

But let’s not jump the gun,

And today,

Let’s have fun.

P.S. If you Google Image "Callous," you are going to find some pretty disgusting shit. 

Luckily, I quickly found this cartoon and it is just perfect. 

"Gotta Do It" lyrics by Jess Coffman

After writing that last blog post about feeling as though I was never "enough" in my early twenties. It made me remember this song that I wrote in Toronto, right after I left LA in 2011. I had fallen for this guy fast, but I wasn't pure enough, wasn't sweet enough and wasn't understanding enough for his sensitive ass, and we broke up days before I left LA. Though it was all for the better. He gave me the inspiration for these lyrics which helped me get over him, and I have never looked back. 

Gotta Do It

Gotta grow up,

Gotta shut up,

I can’t keeping complaining like this

I had feelings for you baby,

But they’re dying in your emply kiss.

I've gotta a lot of livin to do, that won’t include you,

I gotta keep movin along,

So this is my song for now.

                  I’ve spent all my time chasing you around,

                  I’ve spent all my time breaking myself down.

                  I can't get back those hours, with my guts on the floor.

                  I gotta  just pick up my frown, spin right around

                  And dance through the door.

Never open,

Never hopin’

For love with just any man that I meet.

But you promised to me baby, you'd never leave my heart at my feet.

But you broke both instead, and left me for dead

You said you had to move right along,

So this is my song for now.

                   I’ve spent all my time chasing you around,

                  I’ve spent all my time breaking myself down.

                  I can't get back those hours, with my guts on the floor.

                  I gotta  just pick up my frown, spin right around

                  And dance through the door.

Never knowin,

Always goin'

Through life throwing caution to the wind

But I’ve learned from you baby, with love I'll be more disciplined

I won't find I need by the end of this cigarette,

I have to just trust that love is a worthwhile bet

And take what I can get for now,

                  I’ve spent all my time chasing you around,

                  I’ve spent all my time breaking myself down.

                  I can't get back those hours, with my guts on the floor.

                  I gotta  just pick up my frown, spin right around

                  And dance through the door.

                                    I'll never let a lover change my tune

                                    Never let him tell me who I ought to be.

                                    I just need someone with flexibility, energy,

                                    Who'll love me unconditionally.

                                    I won't be sad anymore, won't be mad anymore

                                    And trust that I'm enough

                                    To make me and somebody happy forevermore,

                 

                  Cause I’ve spent all my time chasing you around,

                  I’ve spent all my time breaking myself down.

                  I can't get back those hours, with my guts on the floor.

                  I gotta  just pick up my frown, spin right around

                  And dance through the door.

                  …I'm dancin right through that open door.

 This awesome quote is on the dressing room wall of the 100 Club in London. I took this photo while I was on tour with the Satin Dollz and Jive Aces in 2010. I thought it properly accompanied these lyrics. 

Why 30 is not the new 20...thank God.

After watching Meg Jay's Ted Talk last night "Why 30 is Not the New 20," I felt both proud and disappointed in myself for the way I have treated my 20s. I have a career started and a wonderful loving relationship started in my late 20s. But it caused me to mourn so many years in my early to mid-20s that I was caught up following the wrong men and not developing myself. I have always been introspective, I mean come on, I'm a fucking poet. And though I was aware of my own creative demise, and I joke wistfully about my "slutty years," I didn't quite realize how many years I would emotionally suffer  those consequences. I spent so many years not feeling like I was enough. I wasn't funny enough, I wasn't fun enough, I wasn't pure enough, I didn't drink enough, I drank too much, I wasn't dedicated enough to my songs, I didn't know enough about philosophy, I didn't network enough, I wasn't experimental enough, I didn't like jazz enough, I didn't know enough about current events, I wasn't sexual enough and sometimes I was too sexual,  I didn't like sports enough and honestly, I really couldn't give a shit about sports.

I spent so many years, not feeling enough and not feeling like myself at all. I felt more like myself in High School, and suddenly in college, I lost every sliver of the way that I had always defined myself. I would say that I started to go through a personal renaissance around the summer of 2009, that is when my career really started to take a turn for the better. But emotionally I didn't really progress until I left LA in 2011. I severed the ties from the relationships with men that told me that I wasn't enough, and I left my unfinished creative business behind too. I left everything and everyone behind, those that I wanted to forget and those that I will never forget.

I left for a job initially, and when I didn't come home, my best friend accused me of running from my problems. I was offended. But I explained that every street that I drove on in my hometown, The Valley, Koreatown, Hollywood, the Westside, really everywhere had more memories that I wanted to forget than remember. I knew I was making the right decision, when the real me started to shine through again after I had left. And though I am away from every family member and best girl friends, I still need time to heal from the many years that I spent in my 20s ignoring myself. I guess the fear of going back, is that it would be a slippery slope to feeling not enough again. And though I know I am not exactly who I want to be, I feel like I am enough. I am enough for God, I am enough for myself, I am enough for my current love and I am enough to make it in my chosen career. That has taken me almost all of my 20s to realize. Though I agree with Meg Jay's encouragement for twenty-somethings to not waste those defining years dicking around. I have to say that my 20s thus far, have been a journey of much that I am not proud of and currently much that I am. I had to dick around for a little while in order to get to where I am right at this moment, which is a place that I am happy with. A place where I am appreciated, respected and loved by myself and others. Though I sometimes wish I could go back and redo 20-25, I can't and I know that those years of suffering consequences helped define who I am right now. And right now, I am calmly and happily looking forward to kicking ass for the last 2 years of my 20s.

Watch Meg Jay's Ted Talk "Why 30 is Not the New 20."
http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20.html

A Photo of Titian's "The Penitent Magdalene," which hangs in The Getty Museum. One of my favorite paintings and one that has always really captivated me. I think she is thanking God that 30 is not the new 20, she doesn't want to have to repent for her "slutty years" anymore :)

Spoken Word Poet Shane Koyczan's performance of "To This Day" on TED

Friends! I just watched a TED performance given by Canadian poet Shane Koyczan and I am on fire typing this at the moment. I started out giggling and within the next few moments of brilliant verse I was crying. The beginning of his poem "To This Day" is very conversational, it is creative but completely easy to swallow for an audience who is not used to listening to contemporary spoken word. About half way through the 12 minute performance a violinist begins accompanying Shane, his words and dynamics crescendo with emotion as the steady violin plays. At the same time, dark evocative hand-drawn  cartoon animation is added as a visual aid to intensify Shane's words. It was such a beautiful experience on this gloomy New England morning. I would absolutely recommend watching this right now!

http://www.ted.com/talks/shane_koyczan_to_this_day_for_the_bullied_and_beautiful.html

"Anonymous" a poem by Jess Coffman

Sweetest melon, book in hand,

Cartwheels on the beachy sand.

Smokey hot dog, dirty play,

Outside on a summer day.

Lunching Laughter, pen at work,

Inspiration from a smirk.

Deeply feeling, speak your mind,

Peeling of an orange rind.

Nature-loving, sing and leap,

Slipping into peaceful sleep.

Innovation, cyber boom,

Keeps you safely in your room.

Online dates, iphone to ear,

Keeps us far though seeming near.

Ticking clocks, no privacy

Facebook immortality.

Nature-starved, speed addiction,

Fated, spirit dereliction

Purpose lost, bygone friends,

Robots revered, humanity ends.

Isolation, plug me in,

Charge me to feel alive again. 

Information on poet Jorge Luis Borges and his poem "Music Box"

Jorge Luis Borges is an Argentine writer of poetry, short stories and essays who was nearly unknown in most of the world until 1961. In that year he was awarded the International Publishers Prize, the "Prix Formentor", making him internationally famous in the literary world. He is now thought to be one of the major Latin American poets in the twentieth century. Borges is defined as  "a founder, and principal practitioner, of postmodernist literature, a movement in which literature distances itself from life situations in favor of reflection on the creative process and critical self-examination" (Miguel Cane, www.poetryfoundation.org) He was also known for blurring the line between literary genres. Mexican poet and essayist, Octavio Paz claims that "His essays read like stories, his stories are poems; and his poems make us think, as though they were essays" (New Yorker, 1986). 

I was introduced to Jorge Luis Borges's work when I watched a Ted talk given by Juan Enriquez called "Your online life, permanent as a tattoo." In his talk, he cautions society to realize that we are revealing too much of our personal lives online. In his talk he references a quote by Borges, "How else can you threaten other than with death?" Enriquez remarks,  that in present day our online lives will far outlive our bodies, thus making us electronically immortal. So now the greatest threat to us, done to ourselves or by another, is a threat to our online immortality. We are beyond the days when you could have a morally shady night, and keep that between you and the other people involved. Now there are pictures and videos uploaded instantly, which brand you for life. 

After Enriquez's talk I considered deleting Facebook, and then got scared to lose my online photo albums for the last ten years. I immediately decided that my efforts would be better spent on an online hunt for Jorge Luis Borges's electronic tattoo. I read some of his work on www.poetryfoundation.org, and "Music Box" was my very favorite. There were a few vocabulary words within this poem that I had to look up, so I included a little section called "Helpful Definitions" below the poem, just in case you were stuck too :)  

Music Box

by Jorge Luis Borges 

Music of Japan. Parsimoniously

from the water clock the drops unfold

in lazy honey or ethereal gold

that over time reiterates a weave

eternal, fragile, enigmatic, bright.

I fear that every one will be the last.

They are a yesterday come from the past.

But from what shrine, from what mountain’s slight

garden, what vigils by an unknown sea,

and from what modest melancholy, from

what lost and rediscovered afternoon

do they arrive at their far future: me?

Who knows? No matter. When I hear it play

I am. I want to be. I bleed away.

Translated from the Spanish by Tony Barnstone

Helpful Definitions:

Parsimonious (adj.) - unwilling to spend money or use resources; stingy or frugal

Ethereal (adj.) - extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world; heavenly or spiritual

Enigmatic (adj.) - difficult to interpret or understand; mysterious

Vigil (n.) - 1. a period of keeping awake during the time usually spent asleep, esp. to keep

watch or pray. 
2. a stationary, peaceful demonstration in support of a particular cause, typically without speeches 
3. nocturnal devotions

Melancholy  (n.) - a deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness. 

(adj.) - sad, gloomy, or depressed; causing or expressing sadness; depressing                                          

Check out Jorge Luis Borges's biography and other works at:

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/jorge-luis-borges

Have a great day!

"Electric Elation" a poem by Jess Coffman

Electric Elation

I have that feeling that you just can’t say no to.

That feeling you get when you’re on the right path.

Your feet start to dance as you sing with excitement,

Cause you know you must see this strong feeling through.

Before you remember you’re bound to your budget,

The possibilities are racing in your mind.

You’ll finally have love and a stable career.

You’re dream is squeaky clean, and no one can smudge it.

When the logical voice inside, begins to speak up,

It deflates self-assurance and brings in self-doubt.

Your feeling has left, to give new life to others.

Your light is receding, leaving wrinkles close up.

Don’t fear breaking promises with your loved one.

If you’re on the right path, the right love will sustain.

Try your best to revive that feeling of knowing,

When bliss will shine out of your chest with the sun.

"Fortune Cookie Poem" written by Jess Coffman

In the spirit of Ubuntu Philosophy and "Taking 'The Other' to Lunch" I have for you my little "Fortune Cookie Poem."

Fortune Cookie Poem

Giving and Receiving

Sharing and Believing,

Is never a Deceiving way

Of Spreading Joy in life.

Making and Refusing

Faking and Accusing,

Leads to a Self-Bruising way

Of Losing Love in life. 

Elizabeth Lesser's Ted Talk: "Take 'The Other' to Lunch

This morning, I was pleased to have watched Elizabeth Lesser’s TED talk entitled “Take ‘The Other’ to Lunch.” The talk began with her speaking of how she has always struggled with the two very different extremes that exist within her: the Mystic and the Warrior. She admits that she has always been attracted to those people who devote their lives to humanity with “the grit of the warrior and the grace of the mystic.” She identifies a few of these mystic warriors as Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa and Nelson Mandela.

Lesser then explains her critique of American people in regard to politics, both Democratics and Republicans. She says that we have become a nation of “Otherizing,” which she describes as when people of a specific ideology, identify those with contrary beliefs as wrong and unlike themselves in nature. Lesser says that the “worst eras in human history, they start with negative ‘Otherizing’ and then they morph into violent extremism.” The Nazi regime is a horribly successful example of how Hitler used “Otherizing” to manipulate the masses into thinking that those unlike themselves were not worth basic human rights, which let the slaughter of many “Others.” This of course this is the extreme, but it all started with a lack of mutual respect, which escalated into horrific violence. This lack of mutual respect, lack of understanding and “Otherizing” is seen all over the media in the way that Democrats and Republicans regard the other currently in America.

Lesser challenges Democrats and Republicans to make simple sincere efforts to get to know one another on a personal level. She suggests the initiative of “take the other to lunch.” A person “whose lifestyle frightens you or whose point of view makes smoke come out of your ears,” is precisely the person Lesser suggests that you take to lunch. She says that the goal of this effort is to get to  know one person from a group that you have negatively stereotyped in order to do away with “Otherizing.”

Being a “Democratic Mystic Warrior” herself, Lesser invited a staunch Republican woman out to lunch to test out her own theory. Before they met up for lunch they did agree on some ground rules that would help them to stick to their goal while meeting. They agreed to be curious, real, conversational and open listeners. They also agreed not to interrupt or persuade the other, or use defensive language while lunching. They found that though their differences remained, the negative stereotypes that exist in the media about the other side's character, did not prove to be true. They left their lunch with the aim to no longer participate in the belief of these negative stereotypes and to actively dispel it within their political communities. 

Growing up with an outspoken merciless Right-Winger for a Dad, I always felt very nervous to find out that my belief system was different from his. Though I knew that he was apart of the extreme, so I always took his "Otherizing" with a grain of salt. When I started doing Musical Theatre, I was introduced to the injustices and prejudices that exist in regard to homosexual rights in this country. My social beliefs tend to favor a liberal ideology, but again I have been turned off by "Otherizing" from my artistic Democratic friends as well. 

My problem has always been the fact that we have only two political parties and I am stuck in the middle. How can it be that we have endless choices regarding ice cream, cars and toothpaste and only two different types of political ideology to identify with? 

My hope is that Elizabeth Lesser's agenda will help to lessen the drama and defamatory statements causing "Otherizing" so we can appreciate and respect one another for our differences. As Noble Peace Prize winner and teacher of Ubuntu, Desmond Tutu said "Differences are not intended to separate, to alienate. We are different precisely in order to realize our need of one another."

 Enjoy Elizabeth Lesser's Ted Talk: "Take 'The Other' to Lunch"

http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_lesser_take_the_other_to_lunch.html