"Let Me Know" lyrics by Jess Coffman

Let Me Know

If you want me, just say it.

Cause I need to hear it.

But if you don’t feel it,

I’ll just smile and go.

I’m not jealous or needy,

My love isn’t greedy.

But if you really see me

And want me…

            I just have to know,

            I need to know, I need to know.

            If you want me just say it and show it.

            Kiss me so slow,

My heart will open and glow.

            If you want me, I just have to know.

If you think that I’m witty,

Or a little bit pretty,

It would make me so giddy

To hear that you do.

Though I may never cry

And hold my head high,

What I need from my guy is to hold me,

And just let me know…

I need to know, I need to know.

            If you want me just say it and show it.

            Kiss me so slow,

My heart will open and glow.

            If you want me, I just have to know.

                        In the silence I am scared

                        To step ‘cross the line into love.

                        And I know I will be fine

                        If I can’t have your hand closed into mine.

                                   

                        But baby I wished to the moon on the sea,

                        That you’d hold me right now,

                        And someday maybe you would love me.

                        And if you ever do…

           

Just let me know.

            I need to know, I need to know.

            If you love me just say it and show it.

            Kiss me so slow,

My heart will open and glow

            If you ever love me,

I just have to know.

JESS COFFMAN

Hey Friends!

I wrote this song while aboard my first few weeks on The Disney Dream. Billy and I were at the beginning of our unconventional love affair that would last 7 1/2 months at sea. Though I had real feelings for him in a very short time, I was really hesitant about the relationship because he was younger than me. Also, we had only gone on one real date on land, before getting onto the ship. He made me one of my favorite meals of all time, homemade macaroni and cheese, brussle sprouts and whiskey. He learned right away, that a happy tummy leads to a happy heart.

 At the time, I didn't know if our romance would end up as a "showmance" or if it would turn into something real. He was only 24 when we met, and I was sure that he needed to "sew his wild oats" on the ship, so I gave him plenty of space in the beginning. But he kept coming back to me every night after our tiresome work days, and I really started to fall for him. I wrote this song, with love and confusion in mind. I really didn't know how he felt about me. I knew I wasn't ready to say "I love you" yet, but I was ready to receive some validation that he really cared for me. Actually, we've been happily together for 2 1/2 years now, but even to this day, these song lyrics ring true sometimes. He is always really good about saying "I love you," and I know that he does love me. But, sometimes I feel like I have to fish for compliments in order to get one, and it makes me feel so lame. I know that I can always count on my gay friends or my girlfriends to tell me that I'm awesome, but I wish I would get more of that verbal validation from my boyfriend on a consistent basis.

This aspect of our relationship makes me feel so needy, and we don't really have the kind of relationship where neediness is normal. We are independent, we have our own creative and financial agendas separate from each other, and neither of us suffer from self-worth issues. But I've spoken to many of my friends who are in the same situation. They are in loving, happy relationships, that lack verbal validation from their loved one. For those of you who feel the same way that I do, I hope this song brings you some peace knowing that you are not alone feeling like a needy bitch. And for those of you reading this realizing you may not compliment your loved one enough, start today! A little positive feedback can do wonders for your relationship. 

I love you and think you are all awesome!

Jess

"Daniel Webster: The Gatekeeper" a poem by Jess Coffman

I fell into the Flow today,
Into the quiet and majestic.
It's mystical and collective,
And it selected me to stay.

On a day most unsuspecting,
I moseyed from chaotic to calm.
In Strawberry Fields of September,
I write to remember, blessed connecting.

I stopped my step and turned around,
As if someone had called out my name.
And sure enough Daniel Webster stood,
Speaking as eloquently as he could,
Though never making a sound.

I looked upon his copper face,
Framed by billowy, playful clouds,
In the bluest sky where the airplanes fly,
And teal balloons die in space.

All at once, hundreds of voices hushed,
As a far away cello swelled,
And scored the glorious improvisation, 
Of natural beauty in perfect collaboration,
As my soul became whole and flushed. 

I could hear the giggles of the grass,
And the hum of the mothering Moon.
My eyes were fixed, as were my feet,
As the cellist played The September Suite,
While the unknowing tourists passed.

What a stunning opportunity,
To feel as the butterfly feels!
And as summer green turns to autumn yellow,
I mellowed in the Flow of Unity.

A plump ballerina jeted in a cloud,
Right over Daniel Webster's head.
And he gave me a wink,
As the world began to shrink,
And the voices became loud, from the crowd.

The giggling grasses waved goodbye,
And the gentle sun hugged me warm.
I stood transformed in just one hour,
Summoned by the power of the sky.

I came away renewed and ablaze,
And I'll never be lonely or poor.
For I have been One with the Stone and the Sun,
I will run through life roused and amazed.  

Friends!

It has taken me so long to finish this poem! I am relieved, though slightly unsatisfied, because these words don't really capture the beauty of my experience. I found this poem to be so hard, partly because of the rhyme scheme. But it also proved challenging because I was trying to adequately explain what is happening inside my head, and how my senses are heightened when I am inspired.  

On a Saturday, about a month ago, I found myself walking in the Strawberry Fields portion of Central Park. It was absolutely beautiful, fall was just beginning to show itself in the turning leaves and chilly air. I stopped to look at this giant statue of Daniel Webster, and I noticed the gorgeous sound of a nearby cello. All of a sudden, my senses were heightened and diminished in different ways that I have never experienced before, and I could see the purest beauty in everything around me. The words that came into my head to make sense of this feeling, was that I somehow was invited into the flow of collective energy. At one point in my journal I wrote that I was in the "Flow at the Center of Spirit and Cognition." I felt a complete natural high, where all of the colors where brighter and every sound was silent except for that beautiful cello scoring the scene.

I call this poem "Daniel Webster: The Gatekeeper," because it was precisely at the moment that I looked up at his statue, that I became overwhelmingly inspired. It was almost as if Daniel Webster protects the portal in which one can enter Flow of the Universe. Ha! Either I had fortuitously been at the right place at the right time, or it was destined. I have attached a picture of the statue below, and was absolutely shocked at the epitaph on the pedestal. On the day that I wrote this poem, I didn't even notice the epitaph, though it perfectly describes my connection with nature that day. It says,

"Liberty and Union
Now and Forever
One and Inseparable"

Now I am sure that the statue of Daniel Webster is the Gatekeeper into the Flow of the Universe! I'm sure this sounds wacky to some people, and I totally get it. I don't think anyone could understand an experience like this, until they have one.

Thanks for reading!

"Hold It In" lyrics by Jess Coffman

Hold It In

I'm hungry for something that I just can't have.
I'm losing patience,
And this time wasting is making me mad.

I want to sing, but this lump in my throat,
Is choking me like a boat that's left and sunken,
On a waterless sea.

   But I hold it in, I've got to hold it in.

   I've to take it once again, 

   Find the peace within,

   And hold it in. 

My feet are hurting from standing up for the right to believe.
My pocket's empty,
But I'm stubborn and I don't want to leave.

I want to dance, want to throw out my chest,
Want to know I've been blessed,
And that the best part of me is getting to breathe.

   But I hold it in, I've got to hold it in.
   I've to take it once again,
   Find the peace within,
   And hold it in.

      And someday, I will be done, living on the run,
      And waiting for my dreams to turn out.
      But I'll fight until that day,
      And when it comes, I'll pray
      To be thankful, to never have to wait again.
   
   But til then...

   I'll hold it in, I've got to hold it in. 

   I've to take it once again, 

   Find the peace within,

   And hold it in. 

Hey!

So...if you are an actor, especially a non-union Musical Theatre performer, this poem is for you! I went on an audition last week, and I had to wait 4 hours to be seen! I literally did everything I could do to keep myself busy for those 4 hours, I ate, called friends, checked my email, took care of random shit I had been putting off, warmed up my voice, and still that only took up about 2 hours. I definitely learned that I need to have a good book, and all of my devices to keep myself from wanting to beat hundreds of identically dressed girls to death with my sexy black heels. That's right, I rebelled and wore black heels instead of beige. And let's be clear, I'm not mad or threatened by those other girls. I just want to be the first in line, so I can get the fuck out of there.

For my friends and family, who are unfamiliar with this type of situation, it's pretty much like the feelings that come up while waiting in line at the DMV. You wait for hours, and when the wait is over, you get your new stupid driver's license picture taken. I am always so pissed that something that took one minute to accomplish, required me having to wait for hours. The picture usually entails a forced fake smile, disheveled hair and bloodshot eyes, because you have murderous frustration in your soul by this point. Do you have a sense of that feeling? Okay, now imagine at the end of the wait, having to completely mask your DMV rage and sing like a princess? Yep, that's a real thing people. Not only do you have to look and sound better than everyone else, you have to give the casting directors a sense that you are positive, cheerful and will be an easy person to work with. If you can act your way out of the rage for the 1 whole minute that you are in the room, and get a callback...you deserve a glass of bourbon. I don't care if at that point it is 9am, you march right over to an overpriced overstimulating Times Square tourist bar, and get yourself some brown liquor.

So, when hour 3 of waiting rolled around at this audition and I was filled with ungodly thoughts from frustration, I started to write down these words. A little melody came along with it, and I was able to successfully finish was it now "Hold It In." I really do feel that even if you have never auditioned for anything, this song and these feelings relate to lots of other things that you have to wait for in life. Whether it's waiting for love, financial stability or simply waiting for the fucking 1 train to get to your stop, we can all relate to the frustrations of waiting and how important it is to find the peace within and hold in the rage sometimes.

I celebrate each and every one of you for continuing on your arduous path to fulfillment today!

Speaking of celebration...today marks the 6 month anniversary of my poetry blog! Thanks to all of you for your loving support and comments left here or on facebook. If one of my posts moves you in anyway, a simple like and especially a comment left, provides the motivation for me to keep going with this.

All my love,

Jess

P.S. Sometimes withstanding the wait is completely worthwhile. I did get a callback from that audition, and it went great. Spending your time waiting for something you really want, is never a waste. Good luck spending your time doing something you love today.

"New Leaf" a poem by Jess Coffman

 

New Leaf

I love when it rains.
I love how nature smells.
I breathe in the Living,
And everything relaxes.

Every color stands out unexpectedly,
Without the sun to make me squint.
People tend to hide away,
And I'm glad to be alone.

Every rainfall is precious,
For it's what sustains life.
When it gathers in a puddle,
A new perspective is reflected.

The tranquil sound revives me,
Every trickle, drip and plop.
I'm giddy when a bubble appears,
And I live for when they pop.

I'm wide-eyed with wonder,
As the droplets play the trees,
Like the giant hand of God,
Is conducting "The Reverie of the Leaves."

This is my favorite kind of day,
When the silent leaves fall,
When the trees are quenched and fragrant,
When God splashes me "Hello."

JESS COFFMAN

Hello Friends!

I wrote "New Leaf" last week when I was enjoying a full day off with nothing scheduled. Aren't those days amazing? I ended up finding lots of things to keep myself busy indoors that day, including baking homemade granola cereal and cooking meatballs. But by 3pm, I was getting a touch of cabin fever and decided to go for a walk to Fort Tryon Park. Fort Tryon is a lovely park in Upper Manhattan, that has a stunning view of the George Washington Bridge stretching over the Hudson River. 

It was raining really hard that day, and I am always surprised how east coasters shy away from inclement weather. But because of this, the park was unusually empty. I walked around taking in the wet beauty all around me, but then I became very aware of the fact that I was the only person wandering around. I decided to to head New Leaf,  a chic-rustic restaurant hidden within the park, for sanctuary and hot tea. Unfortunately New Leaf is closed on Mondays, but I had my mind set on going there to write. So, I shrugged it off, sat down on the dry stone steps that lead to New Leaf's front entrance, and began writing.

"New Leaf" is really a free write of the sensory experience that I was having, while taking in the rain that day. I know that you can relate, and I thoroughly hope that you enjoy this poem. 

Best,

Jess

"Prayer for a Faultless Friday" a poem by Jess Coffman

Prayer for a Faultless Friday

Shine down on me Lord,

Hold me in your hands,

Cradle me in love,

Show me your demands.

My will is fatigued

I’m disappointed,

I don’t speak my thoughts.

I feel disjointed.

Make me unafraid

Let my words be kind,

Help me speak wisely,

With mercy in mind.

Let my song be sweet,

Help me not forget,

Every callous refrain,

Is a crime I’ll regret.

JESS COFFMAN

Hello!


I thought that it would be quite apropos to post this poem today,  because it is after all a Friday. But honestly, this poem tells of a daily struggle of mine. As much as I try my best to start the day off with a positive attitude, by the end of most days, I'm a pushy, grumbling New Yorker just like everyone else. I do think that the cramped and sometimes sticky subway trains have a lot to do with that. But in LA, where each person has space and control over the air temperature in their own vehicle, this frustration exists too, and is referred to as "road rage."

Though I do think that travel in it of itself can be annoying, in any major city. The problem and solution, really lies in how you emotionally handle your frustration. Most of the time I am reasonable and have a controlled grip on the way that I handle my frustration. But honestly, I have been known to slam doors or throw something, in those moments of extreme impatience. I am completely aware that this is called "throwing a temper tantrum." I do not however, throw tantrums like that when other people are around, it is always when I am alone and feel powerless. These outbursts of impatience also come out of my mouth. I will say something negative about another person or complain because I think it will make me feel better, but it never does. The negativity simply spreads.

This poem is about "Starting with the Man in the Mirror," as Michael Jackson once sang. It is about recognizing that I do not always behave lovingly, and praying for positivity to guide me in my day. If God is good, and we are all reflections of God, why is it so hard to do the right thing sometimes? Why is it so hard for me to live by my own standard of goodness? I don't know the answer to that question. But I do know that behavior is contagious, and it my daily goal to focus on my own positive behavior and actions. Hopefully this will inspire others, and it will eventually come back for me, when I am being shitty in life and need a positive reminder. It is like M.J. said, "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change."

Have a blast tonight!

Jess

"Unbreakable Strings" a poem by Jess Coffman

Unbreakable Strings

My smile is vague,

Though I want it to be certain.

Communication is weak,

But sex provides the curtain.

Want it, got it, take it, have it,

Is not what I call success.

This behavior restrains me,

But fires up all the rest.

Another night, a case of beer

My alarms quietly sound.

You call me out for acting weird.

I’m stunned as feelings reappear.

We promised not to play games,

And I suppose that’s what hurts more.

That I could be that familiar safe bet

Waiting at your door.

"No more," is what my heart says.

It couldn’t possibly be wise.

To follow in my own past,

And let time fool as the disguise.

But oh it can feel so good,

And nostalgia is the best liar.

It helps you forget about the unrest

And gives permission to desire.

It’s sad and it’s certain,

These are not petty things,

We are sewn together in time

With unbreakable strings.

I’m lying in your bed

Praying this is something new.

Praying this won’t end in anger

A smarter me, a better you.

I guess you still fuck quickly

And don't really want to talk.

Are you always a wall I run too

That will always keep me blocked?

A gunshot fires outside

And wine rolls down my throat.

It was a sincere hope for change,

But it was just a winter coat.

JESS COFFMAN 

Hey Friends!

I have been working on a new poem, called "Daniel Webster The Gatekeeper," and it's driving me crazy! Hopefully I will have it done soon, though I created the most difficult puzzle for myself as far as the rhyme scheme goes. I think it is also difficult because I am trying to put into specific words what it means to be inspired. It is such a physical and emotional experience, that I am overwhelmed by, and therefore really incapable of describing it properly. But hopefully, within the next week it will be ready. 

Actually I decided to post this poem "Unbreakable Strings," after speaking with my Dad tonight. We had a wonderfully intense conversation in which we dissected the past, as a means to find out how to proceed in the future. This agenda was a through-line in the many different aspects of life that we considered throughout our conversation. One heart-breaking topic was my parent's divorce, which I wish was clean-cut and dry at this point after almost 10 years of divorce and my mom's remarriage. But the reality is, that my Dad is still very much attached to my Mom.

In my limited knowledge of love and relationships, at least compared to my parent's 19 year marriage, I tried to comfort him by sharing in the idea of unbreakable attachments to someone. At this point, I don't feel uncomfortable any longer regarding my most meaningful Ex-boyfriend. But I will say that it took quite a while for those strings to no longer hold any emotion. But they still exist. Though thousands of miles separate us, as well as the love with our new partners, I still struggle to make meaning of our past. Looking at things from my Dad's perspective, I can't even imagine ending a loving relationship and still being absolutely bound to a person through children. Divorce is such a  devastatingly casual part of our current culture. 

This poem "Unbreakable Strings," is really speaking of the time in a broken relationship, when at least one person can't fully walk away. Both people in the relationship know that it is over, but there is so much history, so much effort put forth and so much intimacy shared, that casual time spent together or sex, seems like a descent idea. 

Yes, this poem seems rather bleak. But, I post it with the hope that the next time you are lonely or horny, you will think of this poem and stop sexting your Ex. There is so much love and goodness for you out in the world, stop looking back and go find it!

All my love,

Jess