"The Ballad of The Bold" a poem by Jess Coffman

It's the little moments that I live for.
The smallest details of perfection.
That make the body stop and take in,
Divine Design and Connection.

But my heart is sunken to my feet,
Exhausted from Parisian panic,
Though I know Angels rushed to the scene,
To sing, to the bloodied and traumatic.

I'm sickened at present by my birthright,
Warmed by this privileged fire,
To be burdened
With myriad choices,
To follow every whim of desire.

But now, I'm compelled to use my freedom,
To speak to every misdirected man,
Who replaces love, with fear and terror,
Who destroys life, by cowardly hand.

You Cannot Desecrate Our Spirit!
This is the Ballad of the Bold.
In Unity, we'll chant this Rebellion,
This will be the history told:

'We Will Not Stop, Seeking Our Truths!
We Will Not Stop, Speaking Our Peace!
We Will Rally Together in Generous Command!
We Will Not Succumb to Your Beast!

We Thank-you for helping us
Remember the Credo,
That's buried down deep in our Guts.
We're a Nation of Idiots,
A Nation of Intellects,
A Nation of Gun Owners,
A Nation of "Sluts!"

We're Striving Artists.
We're Anarchists.
We're Soldiers Who Cry
and Mothers Who Work.
We're Relentless Republicans and Bleeding Democrats,
Homosexuals, Truck Drivers,
Do-Gooders and Jerks!

We're a Nation of Activists, we're Pro-Living,
Who Will Hold Hands Together
In Spite of Our Past.
We're a Nation of Immigrants,
With God or without,
A Fusion of Races,
The Rich and Downcast.

We Will Not Retreat, Though We May Be Afraid.
We Will Not Lose Faith,
We Won't Change Our Ideals!
We Will Harden Our Hearts!
We Will Fall to our Knees
We Will Fight Until Every Last Terrorist Yields!'

Now I'm faced with the choice
of Compassion or Hate,
As I boldly renounce disunity,
But with God as my Guide
I surrender my pride,
As I gaze at the
Global Community.

And I'm instantly reduced
To simply one voice,
And simply one incapable perspective.
My absolute truths melt entirely to gray,
And the Ballad seems quite ineffective.

It's not about the Fight, it's about the Relief,
From the embrace of "The Other." The Enemy.
The armor will fall, when we gaze in their eyes,
Truly loving "The Other," as Family.

JESS COFFMAN

I honestly had a really tough time finishing this poem. I began writing it in front of a fire in Sonoma, CA, after the terrorist attacks in Paris, but I didn't finish it then. I was shocked by the violence and didn't quite have the words that I wanted to communicate. When the attacks in Brussels happened last week, I remembered and revisited it. Full disclosure, I keep myself fairly shielded from negativity, violence and "evil" in the media, and in my personal entertainment. So much so, that I stopped watching "House of Cards," and begun watching the whole series of "Friends" over again. I just want to laugh and feel unfettered after an exhaustive New York day, not be weighted by negativity. I'm also just not very political, because I've always seen it as a game where nobody really wins. And...I've never really been competitive with other people anyway. So, in conclusion, "House of Cards," is just not the show for me. The End.

This poem was tough because it seeks to establish a line drawn by passionate emotion, and then calmly asks that line to disappear. My perspective on "good" and "evil," is experiencing a peculiar and unprecedented shift at the moment, and this poem reflects that. I'm absolutely and gratefully bias, when it comes to my feelings on "good" and "evil," in that I have been blessed and lucky within my life up to this point. Not so much "evil" has infiltrated it, but I also choose not to see experiences through that lens either. This is one of those poems, where I feel like I could get a lot of people relating with the words at first, and then lose them by the end, or the exact opposite could happen. All I can say, is thank-you for reading. As always, I am open to new information that could cause my life perspective to shift, so if you have some information for me regarding this wrestle of "good" and "evil," I welcome it. For me personally, swimming in the gray area, is the way in which I am able to stay afloat in the world. It is the way that I feel the most personally responsible. I seek to find solutions by having an open heart and mind, even though I know I will fail because my perspective is never large enough. After a period of rumination regarding my small mindedness, and uncomfortable acceptance of that, I am ready to stretch again. That process is essentially the theme of this poem and the absolute truths, I seek to never lose sight of which are acceptance and love.

I accept and love you.

Peace, Buoyancy and Joy,

Jess

This large, emotionally charged piece is called HEADCOUNT, and is currently on display within the Shin Gallery in NYC. The piece was created by artist Hyon Gyon, who states, "We are living in a society where we've become apathetic to the cruelty inflicted upon others as seen in the media, yet we've begun to treat instances like a mundane and repeated occurrence in everyday life." HEADCOUNT is quite sickening and meant to be so. There is a large aggressive painting of a naked woman, and completely surrounding her are canvas bags that have heads and faces painted on them. The expressions on the faces are horrifying, and with eyes open are meant to confront the viewer of the suffering and lives lost, due to war and terrorism. I have never in my life experienced a sickening feeling simply by looking at paint and fabric. But as the Shin describes it, Hyon Gyon was able to create the paint on the canvas to look like the disembodied "decaying flesh of the deceased." 

It's quite magnificent in its horror. 

www.shin-gallery.com

"Accept My Full Heart's Thanks," a poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Your words came just when needed.
Like a breeze,
Blowing and bringing from the wide salt sea
Some cooling spray, to meadow scorched with heat
And choked with dust and clouds of sifted sand
That hateful whirlwinds, envious of its bloom,
Had tossed upon it. But the cool sea breeze
Came laden with the odors of the sea
And damp with spray, that laid the dust and sand
And brought new life and strength to blade and
        bloom
So words of thine came over miles to me,
Fresh from the mighty sea, a true friend's heart,
And brought me hope, and strength, and swept away
The dusty webs that human spiders spun
Across my path. Friend--and the word means
        much--
So few there are who reach like thee, a hand
Up over all the barking curs of spite
And give the clasp, when most its need is felt,
Friend, newly found, accept my fell heart's thanks.

ELLA WHEELER WILCOX

I would like to dedicate this poem to Nikki, who is one of the sweetest and most thoughtful women I am privileged to know. Nikki has not had an easy life, but she is one of the most strong, and lovely people on this earth. One of my favorite things about Nikki, is her voice. She has this higher-pitched, spacious and beautifully feminine voice. Even when I don't hear it with my ears for long periods of time, that strong femininity comes through in her writing. She has been consistently supportive and loving to me throughout all of our years together, and I am very grateful for that.

Happy Birthday Nikki!

"I Hid and Found My Own Easter Eggs," a Sad Cowgirl Comedy Song by Jess Coffman

Last night my man left me
And I was covered in blue...
And Baby pink and green and yellow
My eggs and heart were dyeing too.

And because I drank all the beer,
and then watched a little porn...
I hid those eggs for myself,
And found them again,
On Easter morn.

Yes I hid all the Easter Eggs,
That were meant for you to hide,
And with tears I found them all again,
As my heart cracked inside.

And the Devil came and deviled them,
And by noon I was fine,
Face covered in paprika,
I was saved in Easter Egg time.

And as I sit with my own eggs,
I can count them in one hand,
Thinking of the the days when you were mine,
My egg fertilizing man.

So I guess I'll wait another year,
And hope you'll bring your tractor by,
To plow me, some furrows for my eggs to grow,
Or maybe I'll let 'em dye.

This is my Easter Blues...and my Goodbye!

JESS COFFMAN

This silly song was born out of a lonely Easter afternoon and a challenge from an ex-boyfriend. I made a joke about how I should write a sad cowboy song called "I Hid and Found All My Own Easter Eggs," and he said "Please send that to me when you're finished." And with pleasure...I did. There really aren't many Easter songs out there, but this one is obviously unconventional in that it is not at all reverent or religious of the holiday. It may or may not be all about sex, it may or may not be all about Easter egg metaphors, it may be a little of both...it's for you to decide. Check out the video on the link to my Youtube Channel below:

"I Hid and Found All My Own Easter Eggs"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUAlSMHNcRg

Peace, Love and Fertility,

Jess

Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly's TED Talk: Be Passionate. Be Courageous. Be Your Best.

I had a lovely dinner recently where my friend Ryan who is getting his Master's Degree in Speech Pathology, educated me on the condition, Aphasia. Aphasia is is by definition: the loss of a previously held ability to speak or understand spoken or written language, due to disease or injury of the brain. The incredible part to me, is that even though these patients may have challenges speaking, they can sing perfectly! So pitches are assigned to words and melodies to sentences, in order to help these patients speak! 

I came across this amazing TED talk today given by previous Congresswoman Gabby Giffords, and her husband, astronaut Mark Kelly. In 2011 Gabby was shot in the head in Tucson, Arizona while meeting with constituents. She now suffers and is working through Aphasia, as well other physical incapabilities due to having major injury and brain surgery. 

This talk has everything. Gabby and Mark demonstrate an incredible display of love, the triumph of the human spirit, hard-work and adventure. Gabby still happens to be a gun owner, but also considers herself to be a Moderate Democrat. But because of Gabby's shooting and the many horrific shootings in the U.S, they have started an organization called Americans for Responsible Solutions. The organization is "committed to advancing commonsense change that makes communities safer from gun violence and encouraging elected officials to advance responsible firearms policies." 

This is not a political TED talk at all, and most of you know that my goal in life is to offer a means of connection and expansion for people through art. This is one of those talks, I believe that might provide expansion in the hearts and brains of many people who watch it, in several different aspects. 

This talk is significant to me, because it demonstrates someone who has a political perspective on something based on true and terrifying life experience. I don't know enough about Gabby's politics to know if we are in alignment. However, I have to respect the fact that she is inviting both sides of the political spectrum to be part of this conversation, of gun ownership and violence. I do not agree with polarization. We can't reach responsible solutions, if we see our own American brothers and sisters as the enemy, based on their political beliefs. We have to open up our hearts and minds to the idea, that we don't possibly have a broad enough perspective to account for everyone's truth and life experience. I read a poem yesterday that described Truth like a giant shattered mirror. Each person feels as though the piece they have found is the one. But I believe that we must put all of our precious and personal fragments of truth together, in order see ourselves and each other clearly. And only then will we hopefully be able to find peace in the world.

https://www.ted.com/talks/gabby_giffords_and_mark_kelly_be_passionate_be_courageous_be_your_best?language=en

Also, if you are interested in checking out their website, you can go to www.americansforresponsiblesolutions.org

I came across this huge graffiti piece on the streets of Williamsburg on a walk, headed to the waterfront. It was hand-crafted by The Lookout Crew and says "Love Our Children." It is part of several pieces dedicated to the lost lives of the children of Sandy Hook Elementary School. 

Peace, Bridges and Embraces,

Jess

"Can You Feel Me?" a rap by Jess Coffman

I'm unabashed and reverent. 

A dancing contradiction.

Like you, a Human and a Being, 

Can you feel me?

I breath poison in my lungs

As a temporary fix 

to a deep-rooted division

in my soul that if I let it, 

might kill me.                              

Wisdom spouts out 

just the same as the doubt

inspiration mounting in my soul 

as my morals going south.

I know sacrifice of spirit,

I got a home there 

unguided and unaware 

Now I'm Naked and Bare.

Now Can you feel me?!

I used to be afraid, 

but fear don't guide me now,

Love does.

No longer mourning mistakes

from the naive girl I once was.

Just hold me now. 

Don't hold this deaden past against me, 

I'm not trying to convince you, or avoid Me.

Just respect Me. 

I'm a woman on pilgrimage,

Looking for God. 

I have all the peace to find, 

in mind and in my bod. 

But I'm flawed, and I've clawed myself

right up to the edge, 

full fledged, panic attack,

almost left me for dead. 

Can you feel me now?  

My writhing gypsy blood,

The lone wolf called for the greater good, 

But stuck in mud. 

My heart weighs heavy now.

And my legs strong and stuck.

What the fuck?

Happy St. Patty's Day 

You outta luck!

My heart just needs to melt open 

from forgiveness, 

But if there's one thing I can't give myself

it is this.

So I just try to wait patient

For the spring's kiss.

The cherry blossoms bloom,

soon I'm in New York City Bliss.

I marvel at his place, every inch of it.

I'm a human, Being now. 

Devoted, Absorbing all of it. 

And as I turn now

to the nameless path,

Awaiting what will be 

the pain and beauty 

and the aftermath.  

Can you feel me now? 

My Pilgrimage to Truth.

But weighted by the constrains

of my guilty sullied youth.  

I know I'll rise above, 

and mend my heart to hand. 

And I'll find my purpose 

In this gritty Brooklyn Promised Land.

Can you feel me now? 

Or at least see me now? 

You don't gotta be me now,

Your listening 

Has freed me now. 

Peace. 

JESS COFFMAN

So, I had the most fun of my life writing this rap. This piece had been a poem that I had written 6 months to a year ago that I never finished because it didn't feel quite right. I randomly decided to revisit it last night, before going out for St. Patty's Day. I didn't have any intention of turning it into a rap, but all of a sudden, my brain began to form totally different rhythms and "Can You Feel Me" as a rap, began to breath life. 

It was absolutely inspired by the fact that I had seen Hamilton on Broadway the night before, and had been overwhelmingly inspired by Lin-Manuel Miranda's beautiful artistry. Everything was cool about the production. The performances were beautiful, choreography, set, music, lights, sound, costumes and overall feel were stunning and unique. But, what struck me most of all was how Lin-Manuel Miranda had created this whole production from nothing. I mean the history is obviously there, so the compelling story was already written. But the entire concept, music, lyrics, everything was his vision and creation. I couldn't help but see the correlation between Alexander Hamilton's persevering brilliant mind and Lin-Manuel Miranda's own. Alexander Hamilton had an innovative and inner drive that was unstoppable, just like the man who portrays him on stage. 

Secretary of State, John Kerry was backstage while I was backstage after the show, and my confusion and amazement with that fact, totally threw me off. I totally missed my shot, to meet Lin-Manuel Miranda, and for that I am eternally bummed out. But, the inspiration and excitement that formed in me while writing this rap, has created a little unbreakable string to Miranda, even if he doesn't know it. 

I'm know that Lin-Manuel Miranda is aware of how important Hamilton is, and how necessary it is in our current political climate. It is encouraging me specifically, to not be afraid to explore my political ideals, and become a part of the conversation about what is currently happening with our country. I am choosing to be apart of the history now. 

Ruminating about Hamilton over the past few days has also provided a beautiful revelation...that I can create my own work. I have been on the verge of total burn out, during this current audition season. For those of you who don't know, dance calls for musical theatre, during audition season in New York City, is incredibly exhausting. As women, we put our best foot forward, with a LaDuca character heel on of course. We go into a room in front of the casting directors and usually the creative team (director, choreographer, music director, pianist), and learn about a 1 minute dance we've never seen before. There are usually about 25-40 of us stuffed into a room depending on the room rented out. In this room, not all of us can see the choreographer clearly the whole time, and we usually don't have the space to do the movement "full out," as we're learning it. Once the dance is taught, in about 30 minutes or less, the choreographer will break us up evenly into smaller groups, into order to actually dance the movement "full out." If we're lucky, each group will get about 3 times to dance the movement into our bodies. But, if they are running short on time, we may only get one shot to do the choreography before we have to perform it. The casting and creative teams will then split us up in small groups of 3-5 ladies, and we get one or two chances to dance what we have just learned as our actual audition for the job. Our faces, bodies, sexuality, creativity, stress management, ability to retain information, ability to perform under pressure, be funny and of course our actual dance technique is all being judged for those 2 minutes. And, unlike a regular job interview for the rest of world, you can't speak for yourself. And...all of your peers are still in the room watching you succeed or fail. AND...most of us are exhausted from babysitting, teaching, bartending or teaching fitness classes in order to survive financially while chasing this beautiful performance dream. AND...we are constantly defending our life choices to friends as family who don't understand why we are doing all of this. Let me be clear, I love musical theatre and I love what I do. I just wanted to encourage my dancer friends out there, if you happen to be feeling diminished, unworthy, creatively unfulfilled, or about to burn out, just know that there is another way. Take a day off, go for a walk, see a show, and give yourself space to create your own work. And...give yourself a little credit. We are of course not curing cancer and there are so many other things in this world to go on a rant about. But if there is one thing Hamilton has taught me, and I've learned a lot, it's that art, can make a huge impact in this world. Don't burn out before you get there. You belong, you have the right not only to take up space, but to dance, and let the sound of your soul be heard. 

Peace, Space and Hamilton,

Jess 

"Illuminated" a poem by Jess Coffman

He looks away from me,
Searching.
Unintentionally calling my attention
Right to him.
To this vulnerable quiet spot.

His skin, like still, full-fat cream
With a sprinkle of cinnamon.
Slowly swirling, hypnotically. 
Fixing me to that beautiful spot. 

I love a man's neck. 
The thickness of the muscle,
The smooth tenderness,
Anchoring his philosophies,
And supporting his curiosities.   

I love that small, pure softness,
Behind his ear,
In between his beard and hairline. 
Untouched by manhood. 
A sacred unseen place to him.
A remnant of his childhood. 

Not a place of insecurity,
Nor a place to pamper.
Just an unassuming, enticing space
For my tongue to playfully enjoy.
Or my eyes to fantasize upon,
when my tongue cannot. 

A secret smile curls in my Being.
A knowingness of desire, impatience,
and uninhibited wildness, encircles my brow.
And though my heart is calm 
And strong thighs still,
My feet want to flit and point me 
Right to the breadth and hearth,
Of the nearest, 
blazing and engulfing 
romance.

And my feet eventually do move,
But not in the direction of the nearest flame.
Lead by my calm heart and strong thighs,
My feet abide and take me home. 
Where I eat a quiet meal, 
And plan the next day's adventures. 

Because when I clear a small meadow in my head,
amidst the forest of noisy and natural 
Human voices of desire, 
I can actually listen 
to the wisest part of me,
the Being part of me.
The Being part of me, that has 
Unending, recyclable compassion and patience. 
The Being part of me, that points in the Direction of the Sun, 
which illuminates a path leading to 
wholeheartedness and hope. 

The Being part of me lovingly reminds that 
the next neck I yearn for, 
I want to be unquestioningly in love
With the thoughts in that man's head. 
I want that smooth, thick neck to be supporting
An expansive mind, leaden with compassion,
The tools for discovering personal truth,
and an adventurer's pack,
carried steadily by
a calm heart and strong thighs. 

So for now, the Being part of me, 
Will continue to ask politely for my 
Human feet to take me home.

And I'll wake each day 
and walk in the Direction of the Sun,
With a calm heart and strong thighs.
Allowing myself the time and space to rest,
and sometimes get lost and find my way back. 
Hoping one day, when I'm on my path, 
A fellow traveller's path will meet mine.

And I'll gaze upon his beautiful neck,
As he gazes in the Direction of the Sun. 
My calm heart will be full, 
And my strong thighs will recognize the strength in his. 
And the Being part of me,
Won't have to tell my Human feet anything all. 
We'll just walk together, 
Emblazoned and Illuminated. 

JESS COFFMAN

Thank-you to the man in line next to me at the 3rd Ave Trader Joe's last night, with the beautiful neck that inspired this poem. It has given me a great deal of understanding and peace. 

This sculpture was captured within The First Street Green Art Park in NYC on the Lower East Side. 

It was created by Stuart Ringholt and is entitled "Signpost."

It was so evocative to me.