Folded hands to forehead,
I use to believe that my prayers were received.
That you were positively tickled to send through me,
The warm and glittering good news of the day.
But shortly after the coldest winter in a century
Killed the green,
Your calming melodies quieted.
This ferociously loud city out sung you, my Muse,
And I became a skeptic.
You renewed me with words of deliverance,
You called me to my calling,
Yet I stopped believing in your existence.
One desperate day, I pleaded to hear you.
But after months of refusing your help,
I had forgotten how to listen to you.
I panicked.
A convoluted symphony blasted in my brain.
The violins screaming and the timpani pounding,
Relentlessly and ominously.
Though I heard your faint, unobtrusive calling,
I didn't listen to you.
I made the wrong choice.
I chose the path to pride over the path to transcendence.
Humiliated by my lack of sacrifice and trust in you,
And like a suffering child,
I pressed my trembling hands over disobedient ears,
And again, tried to ignore you.
But, your calm overwhelmed me.
I open my tightly shut eyes to find that
I was not smited, injured or damned.
I had closed a door that I was not meant to,
Though I would have to learn how to listen again,
And I would have to endure the earthly consequences,
I would not suffer the divine consequences.
For you are more than fair my Muse,
You are merciful.
JESS COFFMAN
I still feel mad at myself for not choosing to see The Birth of Venus at the Uffizi Museum when I was in Florence. I was 21 at the time, and had done a terrible job of budgeting out my money during my 3 week trip to Europe. My day in Florence was only halfway through my trip and I was destitute. But, even though I had run out of money, that day was one of my favorite days of the trip. It was raining and rather gloomy, but that made it all the more romantic to me. I had borrowed a few Euro from another American girl to go to a museum, but The Birth of Venus by Botticelli and Michelangelo's statue of The David were at two different museums. I didn't have enough money for both, so I chose the naked man instead. I know the The David is supposed to be super impressive because of the shear size of the piece among other things. But honestly, the only thing that really impressed me about it, was the beautifully coiffed pubic hair.
Another let down, was the fact that director Roberto Benigni, was scheduled to speak at an outdoor amphitheater in Florence that day. I don't think that it ended up happening because of the rain, and I was too poor to go anyway, but I wanted to hear him speak so badly. Life is Beautiful was such an important film to me.
I somehow lost track of time in my romantically poor state, and I experienced a stressful sprint up to the Piazzele Michelangelo just as my tour bus was pulling away. There were two other times that I was almost was left in romantic foreign cities because I missed the tour bus. The first time was in Verona when I was mesmerized by all of the letters left at Juliet's balcony. As in Romeo and Juliet people. Strangers from around the world, wrote love notes to true or star-crossed lovers and posted them with bubble gum on a stone archway. It was the greatest thing I had ever seen, and I was temporarily left in Verona, Italy because of it. The second time I missed the tour bus, was when I got stung by a bee while in the gardens of Versailles, France. I did not speak a word of French and because I could not explain that I was not allergic to bees, the Versailles EMTs were called. I was slightly annoyed, until the hunkiest French EMT pulled out a huge syringe and sucked out the bee stinger. He could not speak English and his green eyes were beautiful. It was a super uncomfortable turned hot experience.
I say all of this only to explain, that when I picture my Merciful Muse, she looks a lot like the way Botticelli painted Venus. I love that she is the pearl of the shell. I love that Botticelli painted her hair so long, so that she could gracefully cover herself. It is a stunning picture, but I know the real thing will inspire a beautiful moment in me one day that I must experience. So if you could, say a little prayer that my current $60 dollar "Travel Fund" will increase to a heap of money so I could finally have my moment.
Peace, Love and Ice Cream,
Jess
