Unbreakable Strings
My smile is vague,
Though I want it to be
certain.
Communication is weak,
But sex provides the
curtain.
Want it, got it, take
it, have it,
Is not what I call success.
This behavior
restrains me,
But fires up all the
rest.
Another night, a case
of beer
My alarms quietly
sound.
You call me out for
acting weird.
I’m stunned as
feelings reappear.
We promised not to
play games,
And I suppose that’s
what hurts more.
That I could be that
familiar safe bet
Waiting at your door.
"No more," is what my
heart says.
It couldn’t possibly
be wise.
To follow in my own
past,
And let time fool as
the disguise.
But oh it can feel so
good,
And nostalgia is the
best liar.
It helps you forget
about the unrest
And gives permission
to desire.
It’s sad and it’s
certain,
These are not petty
things,
We are sewn together
in time
With unbreakable
strings.
I’m lying in your bed
Praying this is
something new.
Praying this won’t end
in anger
A smarter me, a better
you.
I guess you still fuck
quickly
And don't really want to talk.
Are you always a wall
I run too
That will always keep me
blocked?
A gunshot fires
outside
And wine rolls down my
throat.
It was a sincere hope
for change,
But it was just a
winter coat.
JESS COFFMAN
Hey Friends!
I have been working on a new poem, called "Daniel Webster The Gatekeeper," and it's driving me crazy! Hopefully I will have it done soon, though I created the most difficult puzzle for myself as far as the rhyme scheme goes. I think it is also difficult because I am trying to put into specific words what it means to be inspired. It is such a physical and emotional experience, that I am overwhelmed by, and therefore really incapable of describing it properly. But hopefully, within the next week it will be ready.
Actually I decided to post this poem "Unbreakable Strings," after speaking with my Dad tonight. We had a wonderfully intense conversation in which we dissected the past, as a means to find out how to proceed in the future. This agenda was a through-line in the many different aspects of life that we considered throughout our conversation. One heart-breaking topic was my parent's divorce, which I wish was clean-cut and dry at this point after almost 10 years of divorce and my mom's remarriage. But the reality is, that my Dad is still very much attached to my Mom.
In my limited knowledge of love and relationships, at least compared to my parent's 19 year marriage, I tried to comfort him by sharing in the idea of unbreakable attachments to someone. At this point, I don't feel uncomfortable any longer regarding my most meaningful Ex-boyfriend. But I will say that it took quite a while for those strings to no longer hold any emotion. But they still exist. Though thousands of miles separate us, as well as the love with our new partners, I still struggle to make meaning of our past. Looking at things from my Dad's perspective, I can't even imagine ending a loving relationship and still being absolutely bound to a person through children. Divorce is such a devastatingly casual part of our current culture.
This poem "Unbreakable Strings," is really speaking of the time in a broken relationship, when at least one person can't fully walk away. Both people in the relationship know that it is over, but there is so much history, so much effort put forth and so much intimacy shared, that casual time spent together or sex, seems like a descent idea.
Yes, this poem seems rather bleak. But, I post it with the hope that the next time you are lonely or horny, you will think of this poem and stop sexting your Ex. There is so much love and goodness for you out in the world, stop looking back and go find it!
All my love,
Jess
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