One of the most difficult aspects of our job as performers, is that many of the relatively good jobs take you far away from your home and your relationship. Billy and I have been apart because of performance gigs, a little under half of our three-year relationship. It is obviously not ideal, and we have gone through waves of it being easier or harder depending on the length of the gig, or time of year. But, it always surprises me when I hear people with jobs in different industries say that they could never be in a long distance relationship. So, I decided to reach out to my new friends in the cast for some tips on how to stay connected and romantic while loving long distance!
Obviously with all of this advice, season to taste! Not one relationship is exactly like another. But a happy long distance relationship does require both partners to consistently work at it. It doesn't have to be hard work, but it does require forethought, time and a willingness to try new ways of communicating and loving to make the relationship work in each new situation.
8 Tips on How to Thrive in a Long Distance Relationship!
1. Schedule times to Skype!
Skype and Facetime are one of the most wonderful tools for loving long distance. It is really the only way to see your mate without them being in your presence. But sometimes our busy schedules apart, make it difficult to find the time for quality time communication. A few people in my cast said that they schedule times to Skype/Facetime their loved one in order to ensure that it happens. A few couples schedule time weekly to Skype and watch one of their favorite shows at the same time on Netflix together! If you do have to break plans for a Skype date, be sure to give plenty of notification and suggest another time that you will be available to see your lover. All you really have is your word when you are long distance, so communicate often and be consistent. A sexy Skype session is always a great way to stay intimately connected as well!
2. Be where you are!
I asked a woman in our cast how she had managed to have such a happy 30-year marriage and successful career. She said to me simply, "Be where you are." It reminded me of the Crosby Stills and Nash lyrics "If you can't be with the one you Love, Love the one you're with." She explained to me that it doesn't help either person in the situation, if one or both of you is constantly pining for what you don't have. Hopefully you have made the choice to be apart, for a reason that is beneficial for you. Be productive and enjoy your new adventure. If you are happy, it makes being apart worthwhile.
3. It all about the little things, don't leave anything out!
A brilliantly talented woman in our cast who has been married for over 20 years to her actor husband, gave me the above tip, which I absolutely love. She said that when you are on a new adventure, it is imperative to tell your love the exciting, as well as the mundane details of your daily experiences. Share names and details about the new people you are working with. Share stories and inside jokes that have formed with your new friends. Tell your love everything about the cool bars and restaurants that you are going to and the beauty of your new environment. I have found that when my boyfriend shares all of the little details of his daily life with me, I no longer feel "left out" of his life even though we are physically apart. It is definitely a trust building habit, it prevents jealousy, and overall adds a cushion of comfort to your long distance situation.
4. Text All Day Long!
A few people in our cast said that they text all day long with their love. This is another way of keeping up with all of the little things in a day. It is a great way of communicating that doesn't require having a long solid block of time available to talk on the phone or Skype. I find that when Billy and I text often in a day, our relationship feels like it did when we were first dating. A text saying "It's beautiful out today and I wish we could play outside" or "I'm really missing you today," lets me know that he is thinking of me, which makes me feel very loved. You should also try flirty or sexy texts for fun!
5. Write Each Other Love Letters!
One man who has been with his husband for 23 years, told me that before technology made it so easy for us to stay connected long distance, he and his partner wrote letters to each other everyday while they were apart. It is still a tradition that they keep up today! A few of the younger men in the cast agreed that letter writing was better than emailing. Being someone who loves poetry and the written word, there is almost nothing better than words of love, romance or kindness being expressed to me. There is definitely something more beautiful and emotional about seeing your loved one's handwriting on the page, rather than receiving generic text in an email. I also think there is something romantic about touching a piece of paper or card that your lover also touched, when he was thinking of you, and writing to let you know.
6. Six weeks is the Max!
Many of my cast mates said that they have an agreement in their relationship about the maximum number of weeks that they can go without seeing one another in person. One man said that he and his actor husband have an agreement that if they are not committed to being onstage, they are committed to traveling to see the other person. I know for myself, I start to feel disconnected and funky around the 3-6 week mark, so accepting a job for me also means considering what it will cost for my love to come visit. It may mean that I am not able to eat out as much, or have that second margarita, but none of those things matter when I know I will be holding Billy soon.
7. Be prepared to show your love in a new way!
If you have read "The Five Love Languages, this tip will be a little clearer for you. If you are someone who naturally shows your love for your partner primarily through physical affection or acts of service, or if you are someone who feels loved primarily through either of those two ways, being long distant may require you to use a different love language. Luckily words of affirmation, gift giving and quality time (via Skype) are wonderful alternatives to showing or experiencing love with your partner. Just be aware that you may have to work extra hard to show your love through a different love language that may not come naturally to you. If you usually cuddle with her or do the dishes to show that you love her, obviously those things are impossible when you are apart. Ask your loved one how you can best take care of their needs while you are apart, and then get out of your comfort zone and see what works! Be flexible, be creative and have fun!
8. Love and Trust!
I know from experience, it is easy to worry about your relationship when you are apart. I am unfortunately someone who is prone to jealousy, so if let it, my mind can create all kinds of delusions as to why Billy hasn't returned my call. If I let my personal insecurities and fears of losing him consume me, I end up unhappy, and usually an unwanted argument ensues when we finally do chat. Studies show that 80-90 percent of what we worry about never happens, and as it stands Billy has never betrayed my trust with another woman, or been struck by lightening! So allow yourself to love and trust while you are long distant, because allowing yourself to be overtaken with worry and negativity, will never allow you or your relationship to thrive.
Thank-you for reading! Thank-you to all of the delightful cast members of "Mary Poppins" who contributed to this post!
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Jess
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