"Kaleidoscope," a poem by Jess Coffman

My memories of you are like a kaleidoscope of joy in my mind.
Each new shift and shape, 
revealing a different face of God's artistry. 
His beautiful creation and hope for love, manifesting in each face.

My love for you is unlike anything I have ever known.
I have found my pack. The lone wolf can rest.

Even in my misgivings, you loved me.  

Even when I was humbled, I was not forgotten.

This family produced food for the spirit, that protected us, 
and kept us warm.

And We did It.
We loved the way we always feared that we would,
The way we always wanted to.
And now that It's done, 
It cannot be undone or replaced.
It will always be. 
It will always be. 
Transcendent love stretches beyond what we can perceive.

Thank-you for this love that is as mystifying as magic.
Accept that there are no tricks.
No illusions. 
Living love energy, that doesn't burn out with the distance. 
It listens on the wind, searching for another heart that needs fulfilling.

Thank-you for the blaze. 
Thank-you for best lived days.
Thank-you for reminding me that the whole is always stronger than the lone one,
that love can be unconditional if we choose it,
that we must hold loosely to love, and its okay if we lose it.

I am here, friends.
When your torch begins to flicker and give out with time,
You can always take of my light. 
I will give it away freely, and trust well when it's in your hands,
As I've entrusted you with my body and dreams.

Ignite yourself, so that you can enliven others. 
Then our collective lights, will create a string of brilliance 
to decorate this house, that we created as a haven.
Let us use our light to decorate darkness, if we cannot overtake darkness itself.

I hope you felt my love as much. 
I hope the purity of my intentions was clearer than anything. 
The intention to love you, uphold you, let you dazzle in my hands, as I trusted in your arms.

JESS COFFMAN

This is the final poem of three, that came out of a free write that I did, after my previous performance contract ended with Transcendence Theatre company. I am so grateful for each and every face that contributes to the the kaleidoscope of joy in my mind, when I think about that cast and crew of people. I have never had so many pieces of writing come out of me, that is inspired by a group of friends. It has been such a gift to have had this experience and then get to write about it. So much of my work has been about a romantic love for an individual or a spiritual love for God, but I've never quite had this influence by a group of friends before. It has been fulfilling and exciting. Thank-you my friends.

Peace, the pack and light,

Your Jess

I took this selfie within the "Wishing Garden" at Cornerstone Winery in Sonoma, CA. Each piece of ribbon had a wish written on it, from different people who had visited the garden. 

It was stunning, being surrounded by so many strangers' hopes and dreams. 

It took my breath away.

Some of these strangers wrote very personal things, and I could relate to them all.  

It was one of those moments that made me feel so connected to other human beings, because we all want the same basic things out of life.  

We all want good physical health for ourselves and loved ones, happy and loving relationships, freedom to explore who we are and the certainty of knowing that our individual lives have meaning and worth.

If you can...go to the Wishing Garden. It the best place. 

"Loving Fire" a poem by Jess Coffman

We huddled around the fire of our collective sparks, 
And marveled at the glow of it all.
Not one light shining brighter than the blaze of the whole, 
But each flame unique in its own grace and fury.

Our fire devoured goodness.
We fed it with the kindling of kindness, 
embraces and words of praise and mercy. 
We could feel as a whole, 
when our blaze was dimmed by sadness, 
And a few would rush to the individual, 
to stoke him back to brilliance, with loving fire.
Our love then became so abundant, 
and the fire so ablaze and ravishing, 
That we had to give it away.
A little bit at a time, 
to those needing a torch in the night.

They took of us, and lit themselves up with it, 
Not even quite knowing what it was, 
or what was happening to them.
The pure soul fire of joy, ignited and elating their being.
And we waved ecstatically goodbye, as they took the gift away, 
To light up their own individual existences. 

I watched you with pride as you lifted up your hands, 
And sang out your soul each night.
A dancing spark floated from out of your mouth and hands, 
into the hot pink sky, and all the way up to the stars.
I visualized you as that spark, living among the planets.
Waiting for the right time,
when a weak-hearted stranger, 
will look to the heavens for direction and hope. 
And just as she is about to cast her eyes downward in devastation, 
You will make of yourself a shooting star. 
And her heart will leap in her chest, 
and her hope will be resurrected as she wishes for joy. 
And her dreams will be restored, even just for a moment.

And you gave that to her.
And that is why I love you.

Even when I can't behold you,
I know you are shining.
Your spark will show up in my darkest moments, 
As a torch memory, to guide my path leading to
true love, true joy, true hope and true friendship.

JESS COFFMAN

"Loving Fire," is the second poem that was inspired by and I would like to dedicate to my glorious friends and teammates of the show "Dance The Night Away," with Transcendence Theatre Company. I'm honored and in awe of your beauty. These photos are all of incredibly rich moments that I shared with these friends. Moments of laughter, silliness, sharing, courage, aligning, opening and love. Thank-you for lighting me up with emotion, inspired words, praise and ultimately hope for the unconditional love that we all truly desire. Thank-you for truly seeing me. 

Bar Chickens, Jumping for Joy and Leaping for Love,

Your Jess

"Hallowed" a poem by Jess Coffman

I awoke as if from some terribly sad dream, 
that I couldn't yet remember.
My hand went straight to my heart atop the hollow space inside.
My chest feeling like the rind of a melon, 
As if something ripe and sustaining, and juicy, 
had been scooped out and harvested. 
The fruit of my joy, ripened, dug out, slurped and satisfying.

My arms rounded in a hug, but no one was there,
And it surprised me because usually I don't feel this loss in real time.
I look out my window, to see the fog hovering over the blonde grasses, 
and deeply green trees, 
in quiet exquisite beauty.
And it all feels a little like a photograph that I can't step into. 
Or maybe that I don't want to step into, alone.

Beauty will always be beautiful, but what good is it, 
if you can't draw someone you love into it? 
If you can't marvel at creation with the same loving eyes? 
With the same open heart?

I missed you even before you were gone. 
I could feel the tightening of my heart strings, 
stretching as you drove away. 
Knowing they would eventually snap, 
as they wound tighter and tighter with the distance. 
I winced in melancholy anticipation.
Though I knew it was coming, it would hit me unexpectedly.
The tiny "ping" of the snap, would be so far in the distance, 
but I would still hear it profoundly, in my gut. 
And I'd once again be faced with reality. 
Connection severed.
Heart weary and exhausted from trying to hold on in the distance.
Hollowed.

I am left alone with my love for you. 
With my hope for you.
Your presence in my story has been precious.
Your performance, brilliant. 
What grand beauty, authenticity of spirit, pain and triumph.
Your beauty untainted, though never perfect, 
Just as it should be.
And I know I should be grateful 
for taking the risk of loving you this much, 
And feeling this much loss.

Today somehow,
despite the tightening, 
and under the wistful fog,
It feels like its the first day of my new life.
A rebirth from what I knew myself to be before you.
I've been refined by our fire, 
smoothed and sleek.  
Edges heated with love, softened and reset.
Hollowed and yet somehow
Restored.

JESS COFFMAN

I want to dedicate "Hallowed," to my beautiful friends that I made, while performing in the show "Dance The Night Away," with Transcendence Theatre Company. I have been blessed several times, in getting the chance to work with Transcendence, and though I have loved all of my casts, these friends were the most unique and colorful colors in the crayon box. The people who were brought together to perform in "Dance the Night Away," were an exquisite combination of talent, humor, courage, wildness and an abundant understanding of love. We were an extremely successful team of performers. We shared our joys with each other on and offstage, and radiated that love and joy to our audiences. Thank-you to each individual team member, who not only had my back, but my heart, soul and mind. "Hallowed," is just one of 3 poems that I wrote, the morning after you left. Thank-you for the inspiration. 

Glitter, Thriller and love,

Your Jess

p.s. If you are needing a moment to refocus your energy or calm your body, take 4 deep breaths. Breathe in "I have all my life to life," and breathe out "I have all my love to give." You will not only survive...you'll keep on survivin.' Button. 

"So I Run," lyrics by Jess Coffman

The news shattered me like a vase,
Full of vibrant flowers,
Being dropped on the floor.
One hand on my face,
One hand on my heart for hours,
Tears inside began to pour.

I never thought I'd react this way.
I knew this news would happen one day.

I stumbled around like a soul
Who was blinded by truth,
And I couldn't see straight.
I reached in my past,
To pull back from love, from you,
To alter this fate.

I never thought I'd react this way.
I knew this news would happen one day,
But I'm wide-eyed and broken...

So I run, run fast,
Just as fast as I can.
Right into the arms of another man.
And when he is gone there is only shame,
He was the scapegoat I could blame,
Cause I couldn't claim you...anymore.
Oh...

These feelings inside, came to life,
Like a zombie raising,
Right up from the dead.
They clawed to my heart,
They broke through my peace, dazing
All resolve in my head.

I never thought I'd react this way.
I knew this news would happen one day,
But I'm wide-eyed and broken...

So I run, run fast,
Just as fast as I can.
Right into the arms of another man.
And when he was gone there was only shame,
He was the scapegoat I could blame,
Cause I couldn't claim you.
No, Oh...

I know I don't need you,
So why do I miss you,
Like I miss being a child?
And I'll never go back,
Back to the sea,
With the wind at my feet
And my hair blowin' wild.
So I'll never regret cause
It's useless and wrong.
You've led me right where I truly belong.
Though I'm shaken, I'm tough,
And you never were tough,
And I can do better.

So I'll run, run fast.
Just as fast as I can.
Out of the arms of another man.
And when I am gone, there won't be shame.
Won't be any mess to erase or blame.
And I'll stop claiming you,
Cause there's nothing to claim,
Anymore.

JESS COFFMAN

These photos and videos are of the absolutely sexy and stunning sunset over Redondo Beach. 

I was celebrating July 3rd with my "satin balls," 

Lindsey Stakoe Neumann and Makinna Ridgway and their loved ones. 

So these playful photos and breathtaking slo-mo sunset video 

doesn't portray the mood of this song at all. 

But I prefer to focus on better times. :)

Heartbreak, sunsets and Zombies,

Your Jess

"We're Cool," a girl power summer pop song written by Jess Coffman

I'm at the pool with my girls,
In sunglasses and curls.
Our make-up's gone, bathing suits on,
All smiles and twirls.

No worries for today,
We got sunshine and lemonade.
Swimming with my friends,
Days never end,
Mermaids would be jealous cause...

We've got freedom, we've got beat,
And we're dancing on our feet.
We don't care if we make fools of ourselves,
We've got time, we've got the smarts.
Our whole life's a work of art.
All we care is if we're cool with ourselves.
And we're cool.

I'm laying out and relaxing,
Blowin' bubbles, gum smacking.
Catchin' up on my book,
Don't care how I look,
All jokes and laughing.

These ladies are the best,
They love me when I'm a mess.
We got good attitudes,
We don't need our dudes.
Mermaids would be jealous cause...

We've got freedom, we've got beat,
And we're dancing on our feet.
We don't care if we make fools of ourselves,
We've got time, we've got the smarts.
Our whole life's a work of art.
All we care is if we're cool with ourselves.
And we're cool.

But there are rules...
And if I break,
I know they'll take the time to set me straight.
I need never fear, because they're here.
The strongest of my tribe,
They they know my vibe
And what makes me most alive.

Cause...
We've got freedom, we've got beat,
And we're dancing on our feet.
We don't care if we make fools of ourselves,
We've got time, we've got the smarts.
Our whole life's a work of art.
All we care is if we're cool with ourselves.

We've got freedom, we've got beat,
And we're dancing on our feet.
We don't care if we make fools of ourselves,
We've got time, we've got the smarts.
Our whole life's a work of art.
All we care is if we're cool with ourselves.
And we're cool.

JESS COFFMAN

I just want to dedicate this song to my sisters Kaleigh Coffman and Monica CdeBaca, Naila CdeBaca (my niece), Audrey George (Naila's cousin), Carolyn Christensen (Audrey's Mom) and Aunt Corrine (Monica's Aunt/Audrey's Grandma). I had the absolute privilege of receiving inspiration for "We're Cool," while hanging out at the pool, with these very special girls and ladies.

My sister Kaleigh and I, were invited to join Monica and her family, on an all-girls trip, to a timeshare in Palm Desert. Upon arrival, we were greeted with big loving hugs from Monica and Naila, which were beautiful and awesome. Then Carolyn and Corrine who had just gone to the store, handed us my very favorite summer beer! It is 21st Amendment's "Hell or High Watermelon" watermelon wheat beer. You guys, it's the best.

Then for two days straight, Corrine treated Kaleigh and I as if we were her own nieces. Her generosity and the way that Monica's entire family embraced us like their own, was stunning. We had seen Monica's relatives at Naila and Audrey's dance recitals for the last few years, and sometimes for birthdays or holidays. But we didn't even know Corrine's last name at the start of the weekend! When we arrived to check in at the timeshare, they wouldn't give us our room keys, because we didn't have the full name of the person we were staying with! We had to check Facebook. We had always referred to her as Aunt Corrine because that was what Monica called her. And  like Cher, Madonna and Lady Gaga, they don't have last names. And Aunt Corrine is definitely colorfully badass enough, to not have a last name. Well...it's Tashnek. Aunt Corrine Tashnek.

As I basked in this stunning generosity, I also basked in the summer pool fun. We splashed, we rode water slides, we swam like mermaids, we played chicken, we twirled around in the water, we had handstand contests, we took silly underwater pictures at night, we ate nachos together, took sunset walks, we laughed as Corrine ran comedically without her flip flops on the immensely hot pavement, and so many more funny and lovely things. I got to enjoy being a grown woman...but playing like a little girl. I am very thankful to Naila and Audrey for reminding me how much fun life can be, when you approach it with the playfulness of a child.

Truthfully, I love a craft beer or an afternoon of wine tasting, but I kind-of resent the fact that as soon as you are an adult, you are expected to drink...all of the time...at every event. And unbridled silliness, is meant to happen as a result from booze, rather than purely on it's own.

It was also interesting and healing for me, to spend about 3 1/2 days surrounded exclusively with feminine energy. I felt cute because I was being childlike. I felt validated, because my sister Monica, is the best listener and least judgmental person I have ever experienced. I felt funny, because my sister Kaleigh brings out the wackiest part of my nature, and always laughs at my weirdness. I didn't really worry about my body, even though I wore a bathing suit basically the whole time I was there. We dressed up for dinner one night, but other than that, I didn't do my hair and didn't wear make-up. I forgot about being 31, being single, not being as successful as I'd like to be, not having children, a home, or a steady job. Yikes.

I basically, just enjoyed loving, and being loved by the other ladies and girls in our completely natural forms. We got the chance to celebrate and simple thrive in our feminine traits. We were nurturing, wacky, funny, playful, adventurous, quiet, sleepy, creative, energetic, generous, thoughtful, assertive, curious, friendly, loving and successfully communicative.

On the second afternoon, I could feel myself getting a bit distant, which happens sometimes when inspiration is about to strike. The rest of the ladies and girls went to the pool, and I stayed behind to sit in the shade, and write down my observations and feelings about the trip so far. What ended up coming out was "We're Cool," a Taylor Swift style, girl-power summer pop song. Even though these lyrics are somewhat silly and obvious, I am actually proud of what they represent. It is simply a celebration of being female, being fun, being independent, and loving other women at the same time.

As always thank-you for reading.

Sunshine, Soul-Friends and Mermaids,

Your Jess

"When I Was Your Jess," lyrics by Jess Coffman

Toes in the sand,
Mist like a kiss.
The waves in my heart break,
Cause I miss your lips.

I see that smile,
It's seared in my mind.
I can't erase it,
With beauty or wine.

There was a season,
When you were all mine.
When we were sweet,
and green and blind.
But one day the wind blew,
The Truth in my ear,
And I couldn't un-know it,
And I couldn't un-hear it.

I couldn't have you, not anymore.
Somehow I'd leave you,
Somehow the door was closing.
I didn't know then,
It would be for the best.
I always thought that,
I'd be your Jess.

Each moment feels borrowed,
You feel wrong to the touch,
Why can't you belong to me?
When I love you so much.

Even in our own pictures,
Your face seems to fade.
And I am left alone standing,
Without any say.

There was a season,
When you were all mine.
Then God changed the discourse,
And I had to find him.
One day the wind blew,
The Truth in my ear,
And I couldn't un-know it,
And I couldn't un-hear it.

I couldn't have you, not anymore.
Somehow I'd leave you,
She'd be the door you'd open.
Although I know,
It's all for the best,
I miss your voice whispering,
That I was your Jess.

And she will inspire you,
And you will grow up.
You will adore her,
And you'll be enough.
And I'll still be chasing,
The Truth on the wind,
I'll never give up,
I'll just keep giving in,
I'll just keep listening.

I shouldn't have you, not anymore.
God helped me leave you,
He was the door I'd open.
Although I know,
It was all for the best.
I'll always love when I was your Jess.

I'll always love when, I was your Jess.

JESS COFFMAN

I wrote this song today at the beach, while I was reminiscing about a long ago love. I had such a beautiful day by myself. The beach is such a perfect place because it ignites all of the senses. 

Somehow, minding my own business, I found myself chatting with a very gregarious Italian, who happened to be a Professional Surfer/Windsurfer...that song is to come :) 

Peace, Waves, and Italians,

Your Jess 

"Serpent" lyrics by Jess Coffman

Euphoria in Dystopia.

I close my eyes and drop my mouth, 

Your lovin’ sticks like honey in summer, 

And just like a drought, your lovin’ is out. 

Your wily snake eyes prey on my soul,

And I lose self control, l lose sight of my whole.

Lascivious lullabies, creep in my bones.

Temptation is home. My red metronome. 

But Oh, I do this all the time. 

But Oh, I’m not in my prime.

And Oh, right when I am aware,

You’re not even there. 

Rush, Love, Fall, Repeat, 

Rush, Love, Fall,

Rush, Love, Fall, Repeat,

Rush, Love, Fall,

Rush, Love, Fall, Repeat,

Rush, Love, Fall, 

Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.

My vision blurred, by off-centered heart.

Is this love, or less than fake?

The mirror cracks, I’m smacked awake,

Something in my brain quakes.

I’m ragged raw, from wiping up, 

The sweat from pain, the pull from strain, 

My writhing hips, collapse in the beat, 

As I give in your city heat.

But Oh, I do this all the time. 

But Oh, I’m not in my prime. 

And Oh, right when I am aware,

You’re not even there. 

Rush, Love, Fall, Repeat, 

Rush, Love, Fall,

Rush, Love, Fall, Repeat,

Rush, Love, Fall,

Rush, Love, Fall, Repeat,

Rush, Love, Fall, 

Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.

Puppet me please.

Blow smoke up my ass.

Tell me I’m a blast

And this love will last, 

Let this lover last, oh oh. 

Puppet me please.

Don’t stop til I blow.

And then I will know, 

It’s not all for show

It’s not all a show, oh  

Rush, Love, Fall, Repeat, 

Rush, Love, Fall,

Rush, Love, Fall, Repeat,

Rush, Love, Fall,

Rush, Love, Fall, Repeat,

Rush, Love, Fall, 

Repeat, Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.

JESS COFFMAN

Hey Friends! I am so excited to post this Lorde style set of lyrics for my newest inspiration, "Serpent." My great friend and soul sister Elise Sievert Bhushan, has written a short film, and has asked me to write the title song! The film sounds amazing. Elise and I met dancing in a production of The King And I. Let's just state a fact, our characters were meant to be Asian...and well...she's a beautiful blonde German girl. Anyway...we share this love and knowledge of dance, and we get to use our dance skills in new ways in our current directions of creativity. I am of course pursuing poetry and songwriting, she is pursuing writing/directing/editing/producing/acting for t.v. and film. She also has a podcast...she's busy ya'll and killin' it. 

Our dance backgrounds have really come in handy in this short film process so far. The film's main character "Brie," is a dancer whom Elise will play, and she has asked me to write the sultry, dark, tortured song, that "Brie" will dance to in the film! Elise and I spoke about the theme, feel and tempo, but it was really great getting the chance to write the lyrics and consider the song from a dancer's perspective, as far as dynamics and interpretation. I loved being able to write the song while imagining dancing it at the same time. 

Now, this is just the first draft, so I may have another version of "Serpent," to post, and I may have to write a whole new song if this is not the right fit for her vision. I am prepared mentally for both. Honestly, I hope that she likes it, but I'm also not that attached at this point. I am the vessel. The work comes through me and I write it down. No more, no less. 

Please check out Elise's podcast Nothing Shines Like Dirt, "it jumps head first into unpredictable dialogue about creating your own work with guest artists in the entertainment industry. We will slide into conversations about work, creativity, and the art of storytelling. And don't worry, we promise it will be full of playful insights into the little and not so little idiosyncrasy of day to day life. So let's get started empowering and connecting artists! Love (yes we choose love). 

Elise and Leslie, are tying to reach 1,000 subscribers for Nothing Shine Like Dirt by July 4th. You can go to http://www.elisesievert.com/nsld-podcast/ to get more info and subscribe! 

Check out how charming, smart and beautiful Elise and Leslie are as they seek to connect with you and share their connections and knowledge with you!

https://vimeo.com/166834079

Elise and I dancing for real, with Bounce Entertainment,
at the Ritz Carlton at Battery Park in NYC.
We kicked our faces Rockette style with 10 other beautiful and talented ladies.
Thanks Molly Booth Alvarez! 

Thank-you for all of your love and support!

Peace, Serpents and Storytelling,

Your Jess