"Off-Roading" a poem by Jess Coffman

Spellbound and stagnant,

Head cocked to the side, 

In this Sonoma haze, 

In this Sonoma laze. 

I'm completely off-roading, 

Riding wild and fried, 

Not unraveling blind, 

Though not heeding the signs. 

Waking in beauty, 

Without consequence,

In ignorant bliss,

With ignorant kisses.

We frolic and caper

In summer romance, 

Hands up in surrender, 

In worship to chance.

I keep an ear to the wind,

Collecting blue flowers,

Covered in answered prayer, 

Bowed down to, for hours.

But foreseeing from past, 

The road'll call till I'm back, 

And I'll dance in sweet virtue, 

Once I've learned from the lack. 

Though when I lay in blue flowers...

The bees buzz me to sleep. 

Can I dream this to life? 

With my Soul mine to keep? 

So...I spin till I'm dizzy,

The gypsy's lament,

With no roots firmly planted,

In downward decent.

Or, maybe I'm heading, 

Toward Heavenly ascension, 

A skip on the clouds, 

With no road to mention. 

I suppose I'm in fear, 

I'm capricious and waiting,

For these bubbles to pop,

For the heart-sink, and drop.

At once, wistful and quiet 

In this reckless abandon, 

Recalling past kisses

When I threw all my cards in.

And how I withdrew then, 

I picked them slowly, 

My lips hanging lowly,

As I took back my chances.

At sunset's beckoning,

I let worry bow,

And fall to the beauty 

Imbuing us now.

I sip up a breath,

And halt the reckoning.

The overture plays, 

For my life's second act.

I step up to the stage, 

Submit to the beckoning, 

Embrace the Off-Centered,

Unbuckle my knees. 

Swept off of my toes, 

In utter improvisation,

I whirl in wonder, 

And swallow the dream. 

Wholly present, I choose

This gifted hallucination,

And bask in the 

Stunning possibility 

It gleams.

JESS COFFMAN

 

 

  

Hey Friends!

"Off-Roading" was written over the course of about 24 hours, which is a really rare occurrence. I usually get sucked into The Flow of inspiration, and I have to drop whatever I'm doing immediately, to quickly receive and interpret the words. This is why I always have to have my phone charged and a pen and notebook on me, at all times. I never really know when I will be gifted the opportunity to be invited into inspiration. It's not always entirely precarious, I can definitely sit down and write, and feel good about what I have just put down. But there are times, usually when I am stimulated by the beauty of nature or unique experiences, that I enter a kind of euphoric state, where I'm taken over for a period of time. I can feel it coming on, and while I'm in it, I try my best to stay in it, and then I can also feel it receding. It's like a sort of high, and not to be totally crass, but it's akin to different levels of orgasms. Sometimes its totally euphoric and other times it feels good but isn't life changing. Sorry Mom, and other family members...but I'm thirty. 

I am currently in Sonoma, having the most amazing time working for Transcendence Theatre Company. This experience has felt like a honeymoon...partly because there are lots of people here on their honeymoon. But honestly, the people of Transcendence, the people of Sonoma, the marvelous natural landscape, the ability to sing and dance in the stunning Jack London State Historic Park, and the fact that I am so inspired here, has made me recommit to life. Recommit to God. Recommit to health. Recommit to dance. Recommit to insane generosity. Recommit to being weird. And has opened me up to respecting silence, respecting different belief systems, respecting hard work, respecting indulgence, respect for the lack of control in my life, respect for a garden and meat that I consume, respect for making insane dreams come true. And...respect for the mysterious welder/artist who owns Cyclops Ironworks, who is responsible for all of the marvelously weird art you see above. 

And after committing and recommitting myself to so many things, and vowing to respect so many other things, that is when the honeymooning began. I am in love with life right now...and a sparkling red from Paradise Ridge winery, thanks to Jonathan. But every great honeymoon must come to an end...or does it? 

Love, peace and wine, 

Jess

"Patient Wife" an Old-Fashioned Love Song by Jess Coffman

Patient Wife

Intro:

You may not notice, but I always stop to look,

Adoring you above pages of my book. 

Your quiet grace, your playful eyes, 

Your love sustains me thorough the day,

It makes me stop and realize,

Life has changed me in a way, 

Chorus: 

But...

It gets better, and I get better than this, I promise, 

Please trust in this early morning kiss, I promise,

You are by far my favorite person in this life,

I'm saving all my love for you, my patient wife. 

Bridge:

My love, to think of you without, 

I fall to pieces,

I want to give and be everything you need. 

I just need a little time, to learn the ropes

and make a dime, 

And soon we'll reap the roses

from these tiny seeds. 

Chorus:

Cause…

It gets better, and I get better than this, I promise, 

Please trust in this early morning kiss, I promise,

You are by far my favorite person in this life,

I'm saving all my love for you, my patient wife. 

Tag:

You are my peace and sunshine too, my gorgeous wife

You are the best part of my life, my patient wife. 

JESS COFFMAN

This song was written a few weeks ago, while I was babysitting for the wonderful family that I always sit for, on date night Saturday night. The smiliest children, Lily and Hudson, had already been put to sleep by their hardworking and gracious mother, so my job was set to be incredibly easy for the rest of the night. I asked Lily and Hudson's Father, if there was anything else I could do for them around the house that night, since I wouldn't actually be caring for their children. He jokingly said, "You can write us an old-fashioned love song." That was quite possibly the best task I could ever have been given, and I proceed to write and complete two songs before they returned home for the night. The song above, "Patient Wife," was one of those songs. 

"Patient Wife," was written as a valentine for my two friends Joe and Allyson. Allyson and I worked together for six months in Southern Utah performing in the final workshop of Disney's "Aladdin," before it went to Broadway, and "Hairspray." We laughed together, drank wine together, made Sunday night dinners together, danced in the rain together, escaped to Vegas together, experienced the most amazing Firework show together, had a real life Hunger Games and so much more. 

Then, during an extended dark weekend of shows, Allyson flew home to New York to her boyfriend Joe. When she came back to Utah, her left ring finger was dazzling with diamonds and bows! Allyson and Joe were engaged!!! It was so exciting! I have been lucky enough to stay close with Allyson over the past few years, and had the time of my life at their wedding one year ago today. They even humored me and played "The Thong Song" just for me that night, so I could really dance my face off! I love you guys so much! I am honored and uplifted to be in your life and call you friends! Happy One Year Anniversary!!

Best,

Jess

"Annabel Lee" a poem by Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived who you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;--
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
She was a child and I was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love--
I and my Annabel Lee--
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud by night
Chilling my Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsman came
And bore her away form me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me:--
Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of a cloud, chilling
And killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we--
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in Heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:--

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea--
In her tomb by the side of the sea.

EDGAR ALLAN POE

This is a photograph of The Edgar Allan Poe Cottage in Bronx, New York. 

This is the place when Poe penned "Annabel Lee." 

If Poe was still alive, and he and I were unlikely friends, I would have offered this insightful and nurturing quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald,

"There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice."

I recently discovered this quote, and it has provided much needed relief for me and also a nagging fear, that had I been exposed to this quote 6 months ago, my romantic life might have remained intact. I have realized that in the quest to love intensely and to reach my heart's personal maximum capacity for love, I somehow missed this very important insight. I had been cautioned not to compare my first great love, to my second great love, or to any of the other less significant relationships. But, I thought of it only in the terms of not comparing one to the other aloud, with the focus on the man's feelings and not my own. I had never considered thinking of the specific love that I shared with each individual man, as its own entity. I have never considered that I could love each man specifically and differently than all of the others. That my actions and reactions could be just as significant, interested and "in love", even if they looked and felt different than ever before. One thing I know is signature to me, is what my first love called "Angel Kisses." When I really feel strongly for a man, I will kiss his whole face lightly and with appreciation for every freckle and flaw. It usually happens in bed, in the morning. If I wake up and want to kiss your face all over, I know I love you.

I wish I could give Poe an "Angel Kiss" on the cheek, and let him know that another love is waiting for him. A love that will never be the same as that first love with Annabel Lee, and maybe not at all as intense and hopefully not as tragic. And because it is less intense and tragic, maybe he will feel as though it is not as significant, or he doesn't love this new woman as much. And I would gently tell him that this new woman, hard as he may try, will never have the capacity to be Annabel Lee. She will never love him the same, and he will never love her exactly the same way that he loved Annabel Lee. And that it is natural and necessary for healing, personal growth and romantic grit. Forcing your new love to love you the same as another, or forcing yourself to feel the same loving way that you did with your last love, will only lead to frustration and loneliness for all involved.

I can only move forward with a clean slate, without expectations, and hope to remember Fitzgerald's beautiful and gentle caution when approaching my next significant romantic opportunity. And also, vow not to allow myself to cling to the pleasure and love of a deceased relationship. I have two significant Kingdom's by the Sea, which I must bid farewell, and find my own Kingdom to be the Queen of.

With Love,

Jess

"LONG-LEG LOU AND SHORT-LEG SUE" a poem by Shel Silverstein

Long-Leg Lou and Short-Leg Sue
Went for a walk down the avenue,
Laughin' and jokin' like good friends do,
Long-Leg Lou and Short-Leg Sue.

Says Long-Leg Lou to Short Leg Sue,
"Can't you walk faster than you do?
It really drives me out of my mind
That I'm always in front, and you're always behind."

Says Short-Leg Sue to Long-Leg Lou,
"I walk as fast as I'm meant to do,"
"Then I'll go walkin' with someone new,"
Says Long-Leg Lou to Short-Leg Sue.

Now Long-Leg Lou, he walks alone,
Looking for someone with legs like his own.
And sometimes he thinks of those warm afternoons
Back when he went walkin' with Short-Leg Sue.

And Short-Leg Sue strolls down the street
Hand in hand with Slow-Foot Pete,
And they take small steps and they do just fine,
And no one's in front and no one's behind.

SHEL SILVERSTEIN


I read this poem and loved it instantly. Though I can't quite say that it was love. It was more relief, mixed with a hidden sadness and a sense of knowing what I didn't want to know.

You see...I was Long-Leg Lou for a long-leg time. I was with a person whose walk in life was just as fast as it was meant to be, and I was incredibly impatient. I felt as though I was "always in front" and he was "always behind." And to keep myself from going completely out of my mind with frustration that he couldn't walk any faster, I decided to make a change of pace.

And just like Long-Leg Lou, my sense of needing to take bigger and faster strides in life caused me to seek out someone new to walk with. And just like Long-Leg Lou, I walk alone now, and frequently miss the warm memories of my previous slow-paced love. But I'm hopeful that one day I'll find a man with a mind and legs as strong as my own. Legs that love to dance. Legs that can brace my weight at times and his own. Legs that love to go adventuring. Legs that will wrap themselves around mine. Legs that stand up for what's right. Legs that stand by me, no matter what.

I hope you have a pair of legs in your life that are perfect just for you.

Jess

"Your Socks," a poem by Jess Coffman

I wore your socks today.

The black dressy ones you left behind. 

I wanted to feel close to you,

To be Loyal to us. 

I knew you felt fancy

when you wore them.

And I fantasized that maybe, 

a little bit of your joy was still there. 

A little bit of the old times.

The fun times.

when we danced with freedom, and drank on someone else's dime.

When our whole bodies were made of smiles.

I prayed that just one, would be in there. 

And it was! 

That beautiful smile, unparalleled. 

That smile that took up your whole face. 

And I was so comforted to be in it. 

I could bare another day. 

But at some point in my comfort, 

It slipped beneath me.

Unwittingly, 

I crushed it all day.

so gracefully. 

Till there was nothing left but traces of a flattened smile. 

Passion shriveling, 

Compassion hardened with the distance.

I was exhausted, 

and couldn't shoulder the weight for one more day. 

But dancing, trudging, resting and weeping today in your socks, 

made me absolutely ache for you. 

The gentlest of men. 

I want nothing more than your smiles to return to you. 

And your Happy to rival the California sun. 

I'll never know how it feels to be in your shoes.

But I know exactly now how it feels, 

To miss you in your socks. 

JESS COFFMAN

For Smoe.

You're in my heart for life. 

"Don't Quit" a poem by an Unknown Author

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;

When the funds are low, and the debts are high;
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;

When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;

And you can never tell how close you are;
It may be near when it seems afar.

So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

ANONYMOUS

This was a bit of honest graffiti that I captured and loved.
It was written on a shiny white wall tile, at a subway stop, in NYC.

Hello Friends!

I received a stunningly beautiful email from my boyfriend's father this week, that included the inspiring poem above.

I must confess, it inspired me to officially finish my degree, find some better health insurance and find a cost effective way to learn once and for all how to play the piano! I think his email and this poem hit me so hard because, he is not one to waste words. He is absolutely one of those quiet, contented, classic men who doesn't say a whole lot, but when he does have something to say...it's epic and the law!

His parents have lovingly taken me in for countless holidays and I have been both curious and appreciative of how different they are from my family. Not that I don't love my family deeply. I adore them for their passion, independence, perseverance, hard-work, unconventional and unconditional love. But, we are a complicated bunch. 

My boyfriend grew up basically in "the sweetest place on earth," Hershey, PA, and is quite possibly one of the sweetest men on earth.  His parents have been married for 36 years, and they live in the same beautiful house that Billy grew up in. They have worked hard separately and together to pursue their dreams and I have admired them greatly for it. I have often poked and prodded them over the years for financial and relationship advice, in order to hopefully have the same success one day in my own life. They have offered pebbles of rock-solid advise over the years, but mainly they respect our privacy and have faith in our artistic and relationship progress. This is often a wonderful relief, because my family can have a heavy "hands-on" approach to helping out emotionally and financially.

But I was especially touched by his somewhat strongly and lovingly written email, it was so out of character and so more along the lines of love, that I am used to. It was direct and encouraging but basically told us that if we are really going to get anywhere in our careers, we better stop half-assing it! I write this with a smile thinking about my boyfriend's Dad. He is a man of few words who chose to share some with me, and they happened to be exactly what I needed to hear.

He ended his epic email with this quote, which I will also choose to end with.

"If better is possible, good is not good enough." (Author Unknown)

Good luck kicking ass and being your best today!

Peace and Love,

Jess

I took this photo outside of the Hershey store in Times Square a few weeks back. I love how it ties the whole article together, (Billy's family being from Hershey, PA that is). There was sidewalk construction work going on that of course was making me and everyone else annoyed. But as I walked by, my frustration melted like a Hershey's kiss, when I saw that the construction company had turned an inconvenience into sweet and inspiring art! Way to go Paladino Construction, you just made the world a better place!

Poetry of Life: 8 Ways to Boost Your Self-Worth on a Thursday!

1. Write Down at least 10 things that you love about yourself. 

With this exercise, try at least 3 specific things that you like about yourself physically, and 7 specific things you like about your personality. As you start to brainstorm these things that you love about yourself, a little "Negative Nancy/Norm" voice in your head may start to spew unkind feedback, such as "Your butt isn't that cute, since you have stopped going to the gym," or "You're not really a giving person, remember when you completely ignored that homeless man the other day." When that voice starts chatting, recognize that it is there and let your true self tell it to "Fuck off." You do not have to listen to every thought that enters your mind. Not every thought is really looking out for your best interest, some of them are purely destructive. The voice that is making it hard for you to feel comfortable uncovering things you love about yourself, is the same voice that tells you to "take another shot, you can be hungover at work tomorrow," or says "you can totally gossip about your best friend Kristen, she deserves it." That voice is not trying to help you be your best self, it actually gets satisfaction when you are your worst self. It is the voice that greatly contributes to your lack of self-worth. Choose to battle that voice. Right now.

Here is my list:

1. Eyelashes
2. My Good Posture
3. Pretty Nails
4. Affective Communicator
5. Confident          
6. Nurturing
7. Helpful
8. Independent
9. Passionate
10. Spiritually Connected

To be honest, it makes me feel vulnerable to post these things because I don't want anyone to think that I am egotistical. But this list is about celebrating myself, and that is exactly what I want you to do too. Also, some traits might pop up, that you didn't even know you recognized about yourself, it's all good. Let that unexpected love flow out, and simply write down the first 10 things that pop into your head. This is just for you.

2. Now write some short explanations about WHY you love these things about your self.

* Eye Lashes - they are really long, they are really black, they make me feel feminine

* My Good Posture -  its makes me feel graceful, unique and like a dancer

* Affective Communicator - I have meaningful and deep relationships with others, I avoid fights, I am able to make my expectations known clearly

* Confident - I feel grounded in myself, interviews/auditions are less stressful, it helps me trust my choices.

3. Now write down some ways in which you could enhance/highlight these things in your life. 

* Pretty Nails - Go get a mani/pedi or treat yourself to nice lotion.

* Nurturing - Play with your dog or a friends dog, offer to babysit your niece, write your best friend Kristen a supportive email

* Helpful - Offer to buy that neglected homeless man a toiletry/his favorite candy, agree to drive your sister to the airport

* Independent - Go for walk/drive alone, take yourself to lunch or a movie

4. Write Down 5 Talents/Gifts that you are proud of or grateful for. 

* I am proud of being a good performer.
* I am proud that I can write poetry that connects me to others.
* I am proud to be a good leader.
* I am proud to be a driven person.
* I am proud to be a positive person.

5. Now write down at least one thing you can do to highlight/enhance each of those Talents/Gifts.

* Performer - I can go take a dance class or warm up my voice

*  Poet - I can post a poem on my blog or read Poe's "Annabel Lee" like I've been wanting to

* Leader - I can be extra patient when I am babysitting and a great listener

6. Write down 5 of your favorite things! 

* Independent Coffee Shops
* Walks/Hikes in Nature
* Jazz Music
* Trying New Food
* Travel

7. You guessed it! Write down at least 1 way that you could add more of your Favorite Things to your life. 

* Independent Coffee Shops - Go to Indian Road Cafe for a almond milk Latte!

* Walks/Hikes in Nature -  Hiking trails in Inwood Park, take a run along the Hudson river

* Jazz Music - Check out the free afternoon jazz piano concerts in Bryant Park or Cleopatra's Needle 

* Trying New Food - Go to Astoria for Greek Food, Hell's Kitchen for Ethiopian, The Heights for Dominican

* Travel - Go Apple Picking in the Catskills or even the Bronx Zoo!

8. Lastly, write down 10 things you are grateful for.

1. The good health and love of my parents and sisters
2. September weather in NYC
3. My personal good health
4. Billy's beautiful paintings that fill our apartment
5. Billy's love
6. My amazing girlfriends
7. My Grammy V.
8. My freedom
9. Our lovely apartment
10. You, for reading this!

So... lets recap, you have now discovered:

* 10 things you love about yourself and why 
* 5 Talents/Gifts that you are proud of about yourself
* 5 of your Favorite Things in the whole world 
* 10 things you are grateful for

That adds up to be 30 things that are awesome about you! You have SO many unique things about yourself and your life to feel worthy about and grateful for. The challenge now is to consciously keep them at the forefront of your mind. Don't let that destructive voice get you down, and choose not to listen to that voice that is within others as well.

Be bold, be brave and love yourself. You are worth it!

Peace and Love,

Jess