"Ships" a poem by Jess Coffman

I'm holding you in the quiet,
Under candlelight and raindrops.
Each flicker of light, entices each
flicker of darkness.

But the darkness is a damp silence,
And the light slips through my fingers,
like slick wet hair.

Hundreds of miles apart,
My heart is with yours.
Lying emerald,
snuggled in the nest we made.

I can feel your longing,
It awakens mine in the night.
My body is still, except for my heart
which pounds, as if it might skip
All the way to you.

But there is a hollowness
Like a grand basin within me.
And a lowest voice,
circles in my gut,
chanting cautionary, round resistance.

I envision that grand basin
filling with tumultuous waters,
and I see myself on a ship, sailing away from you.
hair soaked and whipping, holding on
for dearest life.

I claw the hair away from my face,
Just as I see you turn your back on the shore,
And walk heavily away from my muted,
screams.

(My next awareness...)
My eyes open to sunshine and the
sound of seagulls.
A scent of pineapple makes my
mouth water.
The storm has passed, in my
slumber.
And I wake up thinking of you.

I stand sunken in sand,
Squinting in the unforgiving morning
light.
My heart jumps up to my throat,
as I believe that I see your ruddy
whirled hair, on a far off shore.

But as I always do,
My heart seeks what my eyes
don't see,
And my mind fills in the rest.

My gut, stronger and bolder now,
sends a tightening,
a tiny explosion up to my heart,
and my arms go weak.

Some other spirit, is directing my body now.
My palms gesture an offering to the sea,
and with a heavy sigh of sadness and resolve,
a feeling like a great wind rushes through me,
and I let you go.

But after the moment is fully felt and passed,
I drop a message in a bottle,
into the dark blue for you.
It sings of my love,
my ache,
my greatest hope for my life,
and yours.

As it floats,
I watch with hopeful anxiety as it
bobs side to side,
Up and down,
in and out of sight within the waves.
I hope it will reach you one day,
and all will be revealed.
The disease, healed to ease.

But by then you might love another,
and I will be a few distant
memories, that have since lost all
emotion.

And it will be okay.

I regain feeling in my arms,
and wrap myself in them.
Then I turn my back on the shore,
And walk heavily away.
Into the sunshine forest
and scent of pineapples.

JESS COFFMAN

Ships, Sadness and Emerald Hearts,

Your Jess

I fell in love with these ships at one of my favorite places on Earth, The Getty Museum in Los Angeles. These ships are only small parts of the entire paintings, I just happened to be most interested in the them, so I chose to photograph them exclusively. Both paintings were created by French painter Claude-Joseph Vernet. The first is called "A Storm on a Mediterranean Coast," painted in 1767. The second painting is called "A Calm at a Mediterranean Port," painted in 1770. They are depicting the same general area, though in contrasting weather, scenarios and perspectives.

I took these photographs well before I wrote "Ships," but as I was looking through my photographs for appropriate images to accompany this poem, these really resonated with me, as metaphors for my own internal climate over the last 6 months. I am grateful to now feel as though I am in the calm. 

But I believe that I had to experience the full affects of the storm, 

to fully grasp how valuable the calm is.