I'm unabashed and reverent.
A dancing contradiction.
Like you, a Human and a Being,
Can you feel me?
I breath poison in my lungs
As a temporary fix
to a deep-rooted division
in my soul that if I let it,
might kill me.
Wisdom spouts out
just the same as the doubt
inspiration mounting in my soul
as my morals going south.
I know sacrifice of spirit,
I got a home there
unguided and unaware
Now I'm Naked and Bare.
Now Can you feel me?!
I used to be afraid,
but fear don't guide me now,
Love does.
No longer mourning mistakes
from the naive girl I once was.
Just hold me now.
Don't hold this deaden past against me,
I'm not trying to convince you, or avoid Me.
Just respect Me.
I'm a woman on pilgrimage,
Looking for God.
I have all the peace to find,
in mind and in my bod.
But I'm flawed, and I've clawed myself
right up to the edge,
full fledged, panic attack,
almost left me for dead.
Can you feel me now?
My writhing gypsy blood,
The lone wolf called for the greater good,
But stuck in mud.
My heart weighs heavy now.
And my legs strong and stuck.
What the fuck?
Happy St. Patty's Day
You outta luck!
My heart just needs to melt open
from forgiveness,
But if there's one thing I can't give myself
it is this.
So I just try to wait patient
For the spring's kiss.
The cherry blossoms bloom,
soon I'm in New York City Bliss.
I marvel at his place, every inch of it.
I'm a human, Being now.
Devoted, Absorbing all of it.
And as I turn now
to the nameless path,
Awaiting what will be
the pain and beauty
and the aftermath.
Can you feel me now?
My Pilgrimage to Truth.
But weighted by the constrains
of my guilty sullied youth.
I know I'll rise above,
and mend my heart to hand.
And I'll find my purpose
In this gritty Brooklyn Promised Land.
Can you feel me now?
Or at least see me now?
You don't gotta be me now,
Your listening
Has freed me now.
Peace.
JESS COFFMAN
So, I had the most fun of my life writing this rap. This piece had been a poem that I had written 6 months to a year ago that I never finished because it didn't feel quite right. I randomly decided to revisit it last night, before going out for St. Patty's Day. I didn't have any intention of turning it into a rap, but all of a sudden, my brain began to form totally different rhythms and "Can You Feel Me" as a rap, began to breath life.
It was absolutely inspired by the fact that I had seen Hamilton on Broadway the night before, and had been overwhelmingly inspired by Lin-Manuel Miranda's beautiful artistry. Everything was cool about the production. The performances were beautiful, choreography, set, music, lights, sound, costumes and overall feel were stunning and unique. But, what struck me most of all was how Lin-Manuel Miranda had created this whole production from nothing. I mean the history is obviously there, so the compelling story was already written. But the entire concept, music, lyrics, everything was his vision and creation. I couldn't help but see the correlation between Alexander Hamilton's persevering brilliant mind and Lin-Manuel Miranda's own. Alexander Hamilton had an innovative and inner drive that was unstoppable, just like the man who portrays him on stage.
Secretary of State, John Kerry was backstage while I was backstage after the show, and my confusion and amazement with that fact, totally threw me off. I totally missed my shot, to meet Lin-Manuel Miranda, and for that I am eternally bummed out. But, the inspiration and excitement that formed in me while writing this rap, has created a little unbreakable string to Miranda, even if he doesn't know it.
I'm know that Lin-Manuel Miranda is aware of how important Hamilton is, and how necessary it is in our current political climate. It is encouraging me specifically, to not be afraid to explore my political ideals, and become a part of the conversation about what is currently happening with our country. I am choosing to be apart of the history now.
Ruminating about Hamilton over the past few days has also provided a beautiful revelation...that I can create my own work. I have been on the verge of total burn out, during this current audition season. For those of you who don't know, dance calls for musical theatre, during audition season in New York City, is incredibly exhausting. As women, we put our best foot forward, with a LaDuca character heel on of course. We go into a room in front of the casting directors and usually the creative team (director, choreographer, music director, pianist), and learn about a 1 minute dance we've never seen before. There are usually about 25-40 of us stuffed into a room depending on the room rented out. In this room, not all of us can see the choreographer clearly the whole time, and we usually don't have the space to do the movement "full out," as we're learning it. Once the dance is taught, in about 30 minutes or less, the choreographer will break us up evenly into smaller groups, into order to actually dance the movement "full out." If we're lucky, each group will get about 3 times to dance the movement into our bodies. But, if they are running short on time, we may only get one shot to do the choreography before we have to perform it. The casting and creative teams will then split us up in small groups of 3-5 ladies, and we get one or two chances to dance what we have just learned as our actual audition for the job. Our faces, bodies, sexuality, creativity, stress management, ability to retain information, ability to perform under pressure, be funny and of course our actual dance technique is all being judged for those 2 minutes. And, unlike a regular job interview for the rest of world, you can't speak for yourself. And...all of your peers are still in the room watching you succeed or fail. AND...most of us are exhausted from babysitting, teaching, bartending or teaching fitness classes in order to survive financially while chasing this beautiful performance dream. AND...we are constantly defending our life choices to friends as family who don't understand why we are doing all of this. Let me be clear, I love musical theatre and I love what I do. I just wanted to encourage my dancer friends out there, if you happen to be feeling diminished, unworthy, creatively unfulfilled, or about to burn out, just know that there is another way. Take a day off, go for a walk, see a show, and give yourself space to create your own work. And...give yourself a little credit. We are of course not curing cancer and there are so many other things in this world to go on a rant about. But if there is one thing Hamilton has taught me, and I've learned a lot, it's that art, can make a huge impact in this world. Don't burn out before you get there. You belong, you have the right not only to take up space, but to dance, and let the sound of your soul be heard.
Peace, Space and Hamilton,
Jess
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