"My Weary Heart" lyrics to a blue grass ballad by Jess Coffman

My weary heart... 
It's howling and wounded,
You can't kiss it or spoon it,
It lays 'lone on the ground. 


My weary heart...
It's heavy and frowning', 
It's dreary and soundin', 
This blue ditty now. 


And each day I walk past,
A soul seen as the last,
From misfortunes in life 
They've endured. 

I ask God how and why?
And what purpose have I
To give of His peace as the cure?

My stupid heart...
It's trying, but selfish.
I can't seem to be selfless,
I fall just when I get up.

My trying heart...
It's confused and it's battered,
Everything is the matter,
From this hole in my cup.

And it's never fulfilled, 
And it's make me ill,
It's the sickness that burdens us all.

It's a loneliness game 
With an unknown name,
So I pray to the Maker of all. 

My beating heart...
It fails every endeavor,
But I promise I'll never,
Chose to lose all my hope. 

My beating heart...
It's tempted to crumble,
From each time that I stumble,
But with you Lord, I'll cope. 

And though I always forget 
The first day that we met,
And the hand you extended to mine.

When I fail on my own,
I see I'm not all alone,
And the veil falls away from the blind. 

My weary heart.
My trying heart.
My beating heart.

JESS COFFMAN

Today's song was actually written about two weeks ago, after I had spend some time on the phone with my friend Robyn O'Shea. I met Robyn last summer while performing for Transcendence Theatre Company, in Sonoma, CA. Her purple pansy-covered cane had fallen off of the counter in the optometrist's office we were in, and I picked it up for her. That basically started it all. She calls me her "adopted daughter," her "dancing angel." Truly, she is my angel too. She used to be the Chaplain for a jail in the San Francisco Bay Area, and has dedicated her entire life being of service to abused women, children and the poor. Now that she is disabled, she tells me that her ministry has changed, and she is so grateful for the perspective and the opportunity to be of service to her new community. 

"My Weary Heart," sprung out of a conversation, with Robyn where I confided that sometimes when I have been of service to the poor and needy, I feel absolutely hopeless afterward. I know in some way that a smile, listening ear, meal or chat can be a great help to someone, I've experience being rejuvenated by just one stranger's smile myself. But I struggle with the fact that there are so many people living on the streets of New York that are afflicted in a variety of ways, and just millions of people with the money to get all of those willing, off of the streets. When I feel weary, it is often because though, I can help in a small way, what my friends on the street really need is someone to take a much larger risk and to open a much bigger door for them, that I don't have the means to provide. 

While Robyn and I were speaking on the phone, I walked through Riverside Park and sat in front of the docks by the 72nd street Boat Basin. I sat there in awe, staring at the huge aggressive storm clouds and the persistent sun beams that shot down to the river in celestial exuberance. I felt almost afraid as I waited for what was going to happen next. Then the rain broke and it rained so hard. I sat still and allowed myself to get wet, just watching the rocking sailboats and the magnificent sky. Water always makes the weary renewed in its way. Then on two different benches, in two different boroughs of New York, I wrote this song. 

These photos of me are within a Richard Serra piece at DIA contemporary art museum in Beacon, New York. I had had a beautiful experience of soul-inspired improvised dance, within several of these pieces when they were on display at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, many years ago. Walking in that room and seeing these pieces, took my breath away. I was so grateful to feel moved to dance within them again, and to absolutely feel small and humbled within their presence. 

Peace, Sculpture and Storms,

Your Jess

"Bottom To The Top" lyrics by Jess Coffman

There is something I've been wanting to say, 

But I haven't had the words until now.

You've been doing such a great job!

You really should take a bow.

I would die for macaroni and cheese, 

Swinging at the park I just need to do. 

But nothing compares to what I like best, 

Which is just when you're you, being you. 

Let me say it better...

I love you from the bottom to the top of my heart

(Doo Doot, Doo Doot, Doo Doot Doot Doo Doot) 

I love you when I open my eyes at the start of each day. 

And when I'm down in the dumps, (Boo-Hoo!)

And when I'm smiling bright, (Oh Yeah!) 

I'm counting on you to hold me tight,

Cause I love you from the bottom to the top of my heart. 

Here's a little dance I do.

I made it up now just for you.

It will make you smile one tap at a time. 

I might make a few mistakes, 

But that's what getting better takes. 

I will try my best and then feel sublime.

Now you sing and dance! 

(Tap Dance Break with spoken choreography over Chorus)

Heel Dig, Heel Dig.

Bounce up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down. 

Heel Dig, Heel Dig. 

Arms in fifth position, open to second.

Bend down to the floor.

Jump up with a big smile!

Point two fingers straight out,

Give yourself a hug.

And shout…

Always and Forever! 

I'll love you from the bottom to the top of my heart.

(Doo Doot, Doo Doot, Doo Doot Doot Doo Doot)

I'll love you when you're crazy and fallin’ apart someday. 

And when you’re feelin’ the grumps (Ah man!) 

And when your hair is a sight, (Aaaah!)

I'll love you more and with all of my might 

Cause I love you from the bottom to the top of my heart.

Doo, Doot Doo Doot Woo!

JESS COFFMAN

I am so excited to post the lyrics to "Bottom To The Top!" This song is obviously a children's song, and I love it so much because it is a love song from a child to a parent. Awwww! I wrote this song when I was teaching a lot of ballet/tap classes to children ages 2-6. When it came time to choose music for the recital, I was searching for songs that would be cute for a preschool tap dance. Preschoolers performing at recitals, are always the best because you get such diverse entertainment. Some kids are total "hams," some kids cry, some kids stand perfectly still horrified, and some kids just run around the stage and perform their own improvised choreography. But...if you have a song with choreography built into the music, it's much easier to perform and retain. Think...the Cha-Cha Slide or Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae). It's the same with people of all ages. However, when I came up empty handed for a cute, level appropriate and not musically annoying song, I decided to write one myself. "Bottom To The Top" became that song! 

At the time that I was gifted this song, I was hiking in Runyon Canyon! Shout out my L.A. peeps! And I remember stopping to look at this rather small heart that had been painted onto a rock. I think at that point the song just started flowing out of my heart and straight into a journal. I made a cute little recording of the song with singer/songwriter/session singer/recording engineer/sight singing coach/vocal coach...the infamous Gerald White. At the time I was working as the Dance Captain for a brand new show called Pazzazz The Musical. The brilliant, sweet and insanely talented songwriter Richard Sherman (responsible for the songs in Mary Poppins, Jungle Book, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, "It's a Small World.") was hired as the songwriter for Pazzazz! How did I get so lucky!

The show was about the beginnings of Broadway, and I remember that they were looking for specialty acts/weird talents at the audition. I don't have any especially weird or specialty talent, so I ended up singing and kazooing "Jeepers Creepers" while hula hooping. And ladies and gentleman...that did it. I ended up having a dream come true, that I didn't even know had been a dream. I got the chance to work with one of the most incredible songwriting artists of our time, the incomparable Richard Sherman.

So...Gerald and I recorded "Bottom to the Top," with a few other movement-based children's songs, and I gave the demo to THE most brilliant song writer for children of all time. A few days later at rehearsal, I asked him what he thought, and he told me to "keep writing." Not quite the feedback I was hoping for, but honestly the best advice. 

I hope you enjoyed my little story and the lyrics to "Bottom To The Top."

Grandma and I performing the "Cell Phone Aria."

Peace, hula hoops and hearts,

Your Jess

"River of Life," lyrics by Jess Coffman

We're all going down the river of life.
Branch in my hand, I think I'm doin' it right.
We're all going down as time pulls us along,
And everyone's afraid they're doin' it wrong.

She lies on her back, her eyes closed tight,
Reverent to the river's might.
But she don't resist when the current is rough,
A smile on her face, feet calloused and tough.

He started his life of privilege and fame,
But the waters of life, treat him just the same.
He sinks down deep, when reckless can't last,
And he catches my branch as I go past.

We're all going down the river of life.
Branch in my hand, I think I'm doin' it right.
We're all going down as time pulls us along,
And everyone's afraid they're doin' it wrong.

She fights the pull and she fights the pain,
Of worry and waiting till she's under again,
She won't let go to the great unknown.
And we all float by on our way back home.

He's left behind, a forgotten soul,
But he stays the course, a heart brave and whole.
He welcomes the days when he's down and drenched,
With a mind of hope, he's never quite quenched.

We're all going down the river of life.
Branch in my hand, I think I'm doin' it right.
We're all going down as time pulls us along,
And everyone's afraid they're doin' it wrong.

Nobody knows when the river meets the sea,
When the pushing ends, when we're finally free.
We gotta take in each turn, each growth and each breath,
But rest in the failure and rest in the death.

When the rain comes down, the river is glad,
And nothing is good and nothing is bad.
And river don't judge, it just pushes us ahead
It carries the living, right down to the dead.

We're all going down the river of life.
Branch in my hand, I think I'm doin' it right.
We're all going down as time pulls us along,
And everyone's afraid they're doin' it wrong.

We're all going down the river of life,
Branch in my hand, I think I'm doin' it right.
We're all going down the river of dreams,
Nothing's ever the same of just as it seems.

JESS COFFMAN

This photo was taken exactly 4 years ago, when I was performing at Tuacahn Amphitheatre in St. George, Utah. Our adventurous friend Matt, organized a tubing trip for the 8 of us to enjoy a beautiful float down the river. As we floated along, I was taking in the entire experience, the fellowship among the friends, and the gorgeous nature surrounding us. I was particularly interested and amused at how each individual person thought that they had discovered the best way to safely get down the river. However try as we might, each one of us with our variety of techniques, would get our raft caught on an unseen rock, and would flip over and get drenched. Often times it was completely necessary to rely on the help of another friend floating by. And if you were the friend passing by, you were totally at risk of going under if you helped, but each of us did, out of compassion for having been there already multiple times. Some people stayed connected to one another in order to try to prevent going under again, but without fail, they would flip over and get drenched. My friend Gabrielle grabbed a branch and was certain that that was the best way to get down the river. And it was a great help to her.
When we got down to the end of our river float, some of the people who had been in the front at first, ended up being some of the last. What was clear was that some of what happened to us during our float, was within our control and some of it was absolutely not. Regardless of our individual personal strength, self will and position starting out, we were humbled by the river and subject to its unseen ever forward moving agenda. I am so grateful to Matt for organizing this adventure, for the amazing friends I was able to share this experience with, and to God for inspiring me through this encounter to write this song.

Peace, Epiphanies and Living Water,

Your Jess

"Unravelling" lyrics by Jess Coffman

We're making this loosely knit love,
So much space between each stitch,
The colors are nice and the wool doesn't make me itch.
But with one faint pull of the unknotted yarn,
All that we've created will come undone. 

You're so many things, that I always have wanted,
Though the ghosts of dead love, keep me haunted.
And I'm too far now, to flee from my rock,
So forgive me of all of the pretty and petty talk.

We can wrap ourselves in this, and both feel insecure,
But the warmth will be there, and the need is pure. 
I think we both know, but you're trying to hide it,
And I don't lie, though I'm biting my tongue,
Waiting for our love to come undone. 

I wish we could make a love soft to the touch,
Strong by design that endures just as much,
But I think what we made was, two hopeful's best shot.
But the real thing is exactly something else,
That this is not. 

I'd rather be loveless, than rich in worry,
Never quite seem to escape my own story, 
Give a good man a try, even words of love spoken,
But I always leave the good man filled...and broken.

We can wrap ourselves in this, and both feel insecure,
But the warmth will be there, and the need is pure. 
I think we both know, but you're trying to hide it,
And I don't lie, though I'm biting my tongue,
Waiting for our love to come undone. 

I promised I'd try not break your heart,
But I'm easy for love,
And adore the love's start.
I won't take it all back,
Though I fear that's what you'll do,
When I finally confess
I don't want a life with you. 

When it's over, I'll feel nothing like I've conquered or won,
And I'll painfully get up each day with the sun.
And I'll pray you'll forgive and never forget,
Before our love had to come undone,
And I'll still be waiting for love,
And waiting for love to come undone. 

JESS COFFMAN

I wrote the lyrics to "Unravelling," while I was in a relationship where I was being "taken care of," quite well. When I say that I was being "taken care of," I mean that as far as the world and my mom was concerned, I was being properly treated because this man was spending a lot of money on me. We went out to fancy restaurants, expensive adventures, and he bought me many thoughtful gifts. Let me be real for a second, I'm a woman who gets a nice pair of heels and wears them down into flats. I basically live pay check to pay check. Because of that, I do happen to be an expert on relatively cheap adventures that I received a lot of joy out of. So I am taking care of my own happiness in that way. But truthfully, I love being dressed up and fancy. And I loved feeling like an upper class New Yorker. Who doesn't want to go out to steak dinners on a random Tuesday night and be surprised with Broadway show tickets?! So, this man and the unprecedented fancy and exciting life that he offered me, did make me feel "taken care of," in that I felt for the first time, that I was an adult. Until one day I got an inkling, that perhaps I had been allowing this man to buy my love. I wrote this whole set of lyrics in about 40 minutes, on the C train heading to church alone. 

Peace, warmth and real love,

Your Jess 

"Unbreakable Strings" lyrics by Jess Coffman

A smile that’s vague,

Cause I’m not certain.

Our talk is weak,

But sex is the curtain.

Another round of beers,

My alarms sound.

You call me out as weird,

I’m stunned as feelings reappear.

But Oh how it feels so good,

And time’s the best liar.

It helps forget the unrest,

And gives permission to desire.

It’s sad and its certain. 

These are not petty things.

Cause we are sewn in time,

With those unbreakable strings.

Lyin' in your bed,

Praying this is new,

Praying this won’t end in anger,

A smarter me, a better you,

But you still don’t see me.

And you don’t want to talk. 

You’re always a wall I run to,

That’s always keeping me blocked.

But Oh how it feels so good,

And time’s the best liar.

It helps forget the unrest,

And gives permission to desire.

It’s sad and its certain. 

These are not petty things.

Cause we are sewn in time,

With those unbreakable strings.

No, No, my heart says.

This couldn’t be wise. 

We’ve reached the end babe,

The end is for goodbyes.

But Oh how it feels so good,

And time’s the best liar.

It helps forget the unrest,

And gives permission to desire.

It’s sad and its certain. 

These are not petty things.

Cause we are sewn in time,

With those unbreakable strings.

Unbreakable Strings...

JESS COFFMAN

"Unbreakable Strings," sings specifically of the very delicate and often emotionally irresponsible situation this is...an off-and-on relationship. The man in this song was my high school sweetheart. However, from our very first kiss to our very last kiss, our strong significance in each other's lives spanned about 11 years. I define "unbreakable strings," as the ties, in the form of memories and emotions that will always bind you to a deeply loved person. Even if the string is tattered and thin, from years and years of not dating or communicating, you will always feel connected to them in a significant way. Though the emotion will evaporate and the memories may soften, your souls will always be sewn together by a singular unbreakable string. 

You can check out a performance of "Unbreakable Strings" on my youtube channel below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AclmoJJxu4

This song is dedicated to the first man who kissed me under the moon.

Hugs, Loves and Healing, 

Jess

"Weightless" lyrics by Jess Coffman

When I feel your eyes on me from across the room,

I'll toss my hair and smile,

You better come over soon.

Take my hands, take my hips, 

Whisper how I'm sexy.

Buy me a drink then peace…

That's how you'll get me.

Ooh I'm here to get down...

Cause I am weightless, I am dateless,

Honestly, I couldn't care less.

I'm a mess but I'm not stressed,

Baby come and kiss me.

I get my drink on when I want to,

I don't hold out if I want you.

Hit the floor and show me what you do,

Baby come and kiss me.

Don't disguise, let your eyes travel down my body, 

I'll stroke your ego cause,

I feel a little bit naughty.

Strap me in, lift me up,

Feelin like I'm flyin.'

Feel the rush oh,

Living like we're dyin.'

And babe I'm living tonight...

Cause I am weightless, I am dateless,

Honestly, I couldn't care less.

I'm a mess but I'm not stressed,

Baby come and kiss me.

I get my drink on when I want to,

I don't hold out if I want you.

Hit the floor and show me what you do,

Baby come and kiss me.

I might be a little bold, cause babe you're with the boss.
And I'm a little tossed 

And I'm a little lost in life.

Lets face it,

We're all here for a thoughtless thrill,

So sick of holding our breaths,

Waiting on dreams, fearing our deaths.

So lets relax and get down…

Weightless, Weightless, Weightless, Weightless

Baby Come and Kiss Me

Weightless, Weightless, Weightless, Weightless
Baby Come and Kiss Me

JESS COFFMAN

"Weightless" was written on a plane coming home from my 10-year high school reunion, which was equally the weirdest most fun experience I have ever had. I walked into my reunion without any expectations because it was a completely unprecedented opportunity, and really I had the choice to be whomever I wanted in that environment. I chose to be the woman slightly over dressed in a short, black cocktail dress. I was in a relationship at the time, but my boyfriend was not able to be my date for the night. So I danced my ass off with two of my close girlfriends from high school and their husbands. Both of my lady friends, were moms with young sons, and it was the first night in quite awhile that they had been out with other adults, drinking and dancing. I was delighted to have found that both of my mommy friends, were just as joyful and fun as we had been when we were teenagers. AND...that they had married men that were equally as wacky and confident as they were. 

But then there was a hunky fireman...

His very pregnant wife was hanging out in the corner, obviously not taking tequila shots with us. And though I would never have acted on anything disloyal with him, because he was married and I had a boyfriend, I did enjoy the attention. I found myself getting a great deal of pleasure out of the fun and flirty energy that was between us. And of course, I didn't mind the free booze. 

We never spoke to each other again in any capacity after that night, which was exactly how it was meant to be. But the next day and beyond that I felt an uneasiness. I had realized that the exciting, desirous energy that I had received from basically this stranger, was definitely dissimilar to the energy that I was receiving from my current boyfriend. We loved each other, we were intimate, I was definitely attracted to him. But I was never 100% certain that he was very sexually attracted to me, and it was devastating at times. 

An airplane is an amazing place to write a song because you have very little distractions hopefully, and you pretty much have no other choice but to stay put. I wrote the lyrics to "Weightless," on my flight back to New York City from L.A., and though it is a fantastical account of how my night went at my 10-year reunion, it represents how confident, sexy and attractive I felt that night. Let's be clear, I never kissed anyone and there was no trace of cheating involved. This song is completely fictional and more of a fantasy. It is essentially about giving in to the temptation that I resisted. But it is about that curious thing that is sexual tension and the thrill of a mutual attraction between two almost strangers, in a totally unprecedented situation. I think it also about becoming a woman, feeling powerful and responsible for your happiness. For me, it was also a disappointing realization that I was not totally feeling desired in my relationship, and it was a reminder to me that I personally really needed to feel that. 

Please check out the video of "Weightless" on my youtube channel:
www.youtube.com/user/jessicacoffman

Like I say at the end of this video though, this song was definitely written for my Rihanna alter ego. Actually I would love to sell it to her, so that she can sing it as herself. I would speed up the tempo and add a dance beat to it for sure. Then maybe some flirty and single 28-year-olds in the future will get their drink on, get their dance on, and feel weightless together at their 10-year high school reunion. 

Peace, Love and Rihanna,

Your Jess

"Nest of Respite" a poem by Jess Coffman

I come into this space
divided and discontented,
But my rebellious heart cannot reject the
willful calm from our creator.

The sun pours through the humble windows
filling the humble room with her light.
And as the clouds come to cover the
sun, it only illuminates the love on the
faces of those in the room.

The quiet call of the hearts,
the various degrees of illumination hidden.
A strong consistent glow,
an unshakable flow,
and the frazzled flickering light
of mine, un-singing next to them.

Before my brain can intellectualize and analyze
everything,
My hips,
vulnerable to the music,
involuntarily begin to slightly sway.
My body always responds first.

These unknown family members
open their mouths and un-peel
a layer of distance,
inviting me into their embrace
unintentionally.

Past grief from past grief
begins to rain inside of me.
A storm, unlike a violent torrent,
But like a warm cleansing and consistent rain.

The stark light softens
and shade is given under fluffy clouds of shielding.
An invitation to rest, to calm the chest
and plant the feet.

The offer to contribute right now,
right where I am.
to add a singular piece of string
or small stick to the nest
of another displaced winged thing looking for respite.

The offer to share in everything that is gifted.
food for the mouth. life by the mouth.
the resurrection of a dying light,
from shattered and scattered belonging.

The extension of a clean hand to
tend to my wounds, not to point them out
or continure to rip at the healing.
But to look at all of me and declare
a celebration that I am here, that
I have finally come to dinner.

That I have finally come to fill the empty seat,
that has been reserved and waiting for me.
surrounded by smiles of purity and unconditional love,
each smile
transfers a bright and clean bolt of lightening
to my irregularly beating heart.

Each hand extended, provides the cushion
for which to rest my head, to soften the
severity of confusion and confliction.
They do this with the simplicity
of their honest conviction.

The rainstorm softens my edges.
My thirsty soul is bathed.
My shoulders fall.
I breathe in waves of velvety-calm-periwinkle-richness.
The rain pouring and pouring and pouring in me
creating an ocean,
for my hurt and disconnection to
be buoyant. not dried and stuck,
but watered with grace, loosening, and rising up.

Only God will tell how and when these ships
of darkness, will forever be dismantled
and carefully removed.
Until then, I will allow my hips to sway in worship,
and give movement to the ocean inside.

May there always be a seeking
of calm seas, but never a stagnant
stillness.

As my body responds to this beauty,
I pray for my lips to ready themselves
for the day of unlocking,
when I will speak unendingly of
this kindness shown and felt.

May we follow the call, ever creative and
open.

May we offer smiles that stimulate and
resuscitate a heart back to
everlasting light.
To soften the starkness
and illuminate a path,
to be a hand to hold if asked, along
the way.

May we give like the love of family,
And hold like the Grace of God.

JESS COFFMAN

I am incredibly grateful to the beautiful strangers at Trinity Grace Church in Williamsburg, who shared their gifts of openness and love with me. Thank-you for inspiring this poem, and for inviting me into your affectionate family. I am excited to get to know you. You melted my heart into a slightly burnt grilled cheese sandwich, and I am delighted to sit at your table and share it with you.

Peace, Grace and Family,

Your Jess